THURSDAY, February 12

ROCK FASHION--Give thanks to that holiest of unions (local music and local clothes) with Doom Town, a gianormous fashion/rock show. It may sound like a moody title for an event that showcases two of PDX's favorite hobbies, until you realize it's in reference to homeboys The Wipers. MS
Designers: White Wabbit, Revolver Revolver, Buy or Die, more; w/Glass Candy, Swords Project, Note Notas, The Punk Group; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 225-0047, 8 pm, $6-8, All Ages

FRIDAY, February 13

BEER, MOVIE, FUN!--The Mercury/Clinton Street Winter Prozac Film Fest continues its beer-drinkin', campy fun with the classic comedy hit, Caddyshack. SEE Bill Murray chase a gopher! LAUGH at a priest getting struck by lightning! HECKLE Ted Knight, the evil golf club owner! Why? BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GONNA GET LAID! WSH
Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 238-8899, 10 pm, $6 admission, $2 beer, $2 pizza

NICKI ROSE--Nicki Rose is the #1 hair metal god of today--and probably doesn't even know it. He's featured on a much-copied bootleg video currently making the underground rounds, rocking solo to his own heavy metal compositions. And he's a GOD. Tonight is the Nicki Rose Celebration Dance, where we will dress up as our favorite hair band member/groupie, while dancing and worshipping at the feet of our newest rock idol. WSH
Jax Bar & Restaurant, 826 SW 2nd Ave, 228-9128, 8 pm to close, all ages, FREE

SATURDAY, February 14

MUSIC--It's hard to believe the Munich-bred Notwist was once a hardcore punk band. Their newest album Neon Golden is a lovely blend of spacey electronica, lush string arrangements, and well-timed guitar breakdowns. It will be interesting to see how this all translates to a live setting, as the album's seamless merge of "real" instruments and electronic devices may be hard to replicate on stage. JWS
Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 226-6630, 9:30 pm, $12

MUSIC--Legendary bands Hazel (celebrating their 12th Anniversary) and Team Dresch (playing tonight as Davis vs. Dresch) rocked Portland in the '90s, and they're back. After years of playing together, you can rest assured they know what they're doing, and see the foundations of what Portland's present-day "sound" is based on. KS
w/Tara Jane O'Neil; Meow Meow, 320 SE 2nd, 230-2111, 9 pm, $8

SUNDAY, February 15

TRUCKS--It's not elegant, but in a weird way, the Monster Truck Jam is a dance, a ballet of rip-roaring 1500-horsepower engines, supersized wheels and bounding chassises. It is beauty, American-style! Oh, just get off your high horse and enjoy some unabashed, thundering fun, for once! PB
Rose Garden, 1401 N Wheeler, 224-4400, 2 pm, $21.50-29.50

BONKERS FOR BIKES--Your favorite crazy-ass cycling friends the Zoobombers have arranged a little Mini-Bike-Winter celebration for your pedaling pleasure. Check out zoobomb.org for the full lineup of weekend festivities, and make sure to come to the Bike Olympics! On the bill: The Lasso Fiasco, a Bike Derby, Bike Tug O' War, an appearance by the Zoobomb Wrestling Federation, a barbecue, and enough scrapes and crashes to last a lifetime! JWS
Mini-Bike Winter Olympics,
SE 18th & Pine, 1 pm, free

MONDAY, February 16

PRESIDENT'S DAY BIZARREFEST--PRESIDENTIAL TRIVIA! Flex your civic smarts, drink a beer, and win prizes (with the Mercury's drunken genius Katie Shimer, and future Mayor Phil Busse). And the great new wave of Kill Me Tomorrow will make you proud to live on the Fresh Coast! JS
Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9:30 pm

MUSIC--Not only will Ludacris dazzle you with his aggro rhymes from "Move Bitch" and "Stand Up," Chingy'll back it up with his contagious hit, "Right Thurr," and producer Kanye West is worth toking that pre-show splif alone. Also, check Dirty South rapper David Banner's "Like a Pimp." Security's gonnna be a bitch at this show√Č so take the necessary precautions. KS
Oregon Convention Center, 777 NE MLK, 1-800-325-SEAT, 8 pm, $35

TUESDAY, February 17

COMEDY--Rescheduled after a last minute cancellation in January, hee-larious Chris Rock returns for another chance to make us laugh our asses off. This fast-talking juggernaut skewers the truth on a myriad of levels and tops it off with a pant-load of political relevance. One cancellation is okay, Rock, BUT DON'T DISAPPOINT US AGAIN. WSH
Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 224-4400, 7 pm, $55, $45.50, $38.50

WEDNESDAY, February 18

HIPHOP--Kanye West! Kanye West! Kanye West! With College Dropout, the newest member of Roc-a-Fella holds it down with his super syncopated, soul-fi beats and hot, narrative flow. If you missed him with Luda, here's your chance! YOU ARE SO PUMPED! JS
Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, 9:30 pm

THE GONG SHOW--A quarter-century before American Idol, the Gong Show was already spoofing amateur talent shows. Hosted by the enigmatic Chuck Barris--part used car salesman, part swinger--the show was a chaotic blend of singing, dancing, and offensive comedians. Now local performance group Lightbox Studio spoofs a spoof! A pure slice of '70s cheese. Come, get gonged! PB
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $1