THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10

GIMMIE INDIE ROCK—No matter where you fall on the Lou Barlow vs. Jason Loewenstein debate, it's just nice to have Sebadoh back. The Boston trio was responsible for some of the finest indie rock the '90s had to offer. They'll be performing material from their best album, 1994's recently re-released Bakesale. EAC
w/Quasi; Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 9 pm, $17-20

LESBIAN JOKE NINJA—Her low-key, subtle sense of humor will sneak up on you like a joke ninja, and then Tig Notaro just might make you reevaluate your sexual orientation. Check out the comedienne that led Sarah Silverman to declare herself a lesbian. VT
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, Fri & Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, Mon 8 pm, $15-25

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11

BOUNCE—At some point you've danced to DJ Beyondadoubt's infamous skills. She along with NOLA's Brice Nice made possible Big Freedia's now-legendary first-time West Coast appearance, so it only seems right that they've teamed up for Buck and Bounce, a night dedicated to bounce and Dirty South. MS
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $5 (FREE before 10 pm)

MAD RECKLESSNESS—Herman Melville's badass epic Moby-Dick is a hell of a book, and now you have a chance to experience the classic without having to read a single word! Take to the Ship—a 24-hour, round-the-clock, nonstop public reading of Moby-Dick—kicks off tonight at Powell's before migrating to a yet-to-be-disclosed location. (P.S. I'm going to be reading Chapter 14! IT WILL BE THRILLING!) EH
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 5-10 pm, FREE

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 12

CHROMEOH YES!—Before you slap on your dancin' shoes for electro duo Chromeo, consider two disturbing facts: (1) They are from Canada. (2) In his free time, guitarist Dave 1 teaches French at Columbia University. But in case the appeal of their over-the-top, glittery synth pop ever fades, they'll still have health care and day jobs. For now, la vie est une fête. SM
w/MNDR, the Suzan; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 8 pm, $25, all ages

INTERNATIONAL FILM—The Northwest Film Center's Portland International Film Festival is back, and today's documentary strikes close to home: Barbershop Punk tells the story of Hillsboro's Robb Tolposki, whose legal act of uploading turn-of-the-century barbershop quartet recordings made Comcast crack down—and turned him into "the unlikeliest of heroes in the net neutrality debate." EH
Broadway Metroplex, 1000 SW Broadway, Sat Feb 12, 1 pm, Thurs Feb 17, 6 pm, $9-10; for more on PIFF, see this.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 13

GORE, KITTY KITTYThe Lieutenant of Inishmore hinges on the gory death of an Irish gangster's beloved kitty cat, and gets bloodier from there. Artists Rep's production of Irish playwright Martin McDonagh's script promises comedy of the blackest sort. AH
Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison, Wed-Sun 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through March 13, $26-42, artistsrep.org

HAVE A BALL—You don't need to rent a limo or impale your date with a corsage to go to this prom: Rontoms' annual Rock & Roll Prom returns with a trio of dance-ready bands like Monarques, Dirty Mittens, and the aptly named Rocky and the Proms, all playing covers of '50s and '60s love songs. It'll be tons more fun than your actual prom—there's booze! NL
Rontoms, 600 E Burnside, 9 pm, FREE

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 14

TRUE ROMANCE—If you're looking for a Valentine's Day movie that's guaranteed not to suck, look no further than Tony Scott's 1993 romantic crime thriller True Romance. It's got everything, like violence, cocaine, and sex, which as Patricia Arquette's adorable character Alabama sums up, is "so... romaaaaantic." MS
Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 9 pm, $5, $25 VIP (includes admission for two, champagne, & chocolate)

BONIN'—Listen people, it's Valentine's Day. You should be laying some sweet, sweet pipe tonight. Doin' it is a Valentine's Day tradition, and from what I've gathered by watching Cinemax, this activity usually occurs late at night, scored by a saxophone solo. It's a Monday night in February—as if you have anything better to do than take a trip to the boneyard. EAC
Your house, all night long, FREE (unless you get pregnant, then the whole thing ends up costing a lot of money—never get pregnant)

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 15

TIK TOK—It's a scientific fact that "Tik Tok" is an unstoppable earworm of pure pop deliciousness. However, its author Ke$ha is something of a mixed bag: attractive, but at the same time, not; annoying, but at the same time, kinda fun; ridiculous, but at the same time, unstoppable. This show has tons of wicked fun potential. WSH
Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 8 pm, sold out (but you'll think of something, right?), all ages

TALK THERAPY—Whether you're looking to commiserate over misfired V-Day plans or laugh at those less sexually competent than yourself, It's Not Me, It's You: Stories from the Dark Side of Dating offers a little something for both ends of the romantic spectrum. Join chatty locals like Live Wire!'s Courtenay Hameister and politico Steve Novak for a night of true tales of dating gone awry. AH
Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 7 pm, $15

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 16

BIEBER FEVER—If you're inexplicably ashamed of your love for Justin Bieber, then tonight is the perfect opportunity to sneak out of the house (avoiding the judgmental glare of your friends) and catch the JB biopic Never Say Never. Behind the scenes concert footage! Adorable home movies! Squealing teens! All in eye-popping 3D. WSH
Various theaters, See Film Times

TECHNO WEDNESDAY—Holocene busts out a new edition of Nightclubbing with Austra, Onuinu, and Linger & Quiet. Get ready for some psychedelic basement house music that will keep you thrumming. SY
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $5