CONTINENTAL—We're completely smitten with the Lower 48. The Minneapolis folk charmers, who settled in Portland last year, celebrate the release of their debut, Where All Maps End, a brightly beguiling record of melodies that fix themselves to the part of your brain that needs to hum along. Listen to them play tunes from what could become your favorite album of 2012. NL
w/Future Historians, Great Wilderness; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $8

MY ADIDAS—Long has the history of hiphop been intertwined with sneakers, like multicolored fat laces on a pair of Superstar IIs. And if that analogy made any sense to you, you probably belong at the Second Annual Sneaker Expo, where the history and future of shoes share the stage with a grip of hiphop artists, such as Logics, Jay Kin, and headliner Sir Michael Rocks. BR
w/Blaze, Illa; Peter's Room at the Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 6 pm, $20, all ages


GIRL TROUBLE—Holocene has assembled a crack team of lady DJs to make your feet do a happy dance at the Girl Trouble dance night. Join DJs New Moon Poncho, Linoleum, Womb Service, and more for a night of sweaty, grooving, boob-having fun. Remember to hydrate, gals, 'cause you're going to dance all those dudes under the table. CF
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $3

FAREWELL, FORMAN—After three and a half years of Tuesday nights at Dante's, fake talk show host Ed Forman (created by comedian Aaron Ross) is packing his bags and moving to Hollywood. Forman is going out big: Ross plans to cram the stage with every last one of his show's previous guests. AH
Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 10 pm, $3


BEST BAR EVER—I love Dot's! No more than anyone else though, because everyone loves Dot's Cafe, the bar that has been dishing up tasty fries, cheap drinks, and don't-give-a-shit service since before Portland's dive bars were fodder for the NYT's style section. On New Year's, Dots is breaking out the champagne for its 20th anniversary party, making them about 160 in Portland years. SM
w/DJ T-1-11; Dot's Cafe, 2521 SE Clinton, all night, FREE, 21+

HOCKEY EVE—Before administering NYE smooches on an unsuspecting public, I like to "prime the pump" as it were with a little HOCKEY! That's why I'll be catching our bone-rattlin' Portland Winterhawks as they cram a puck up the ass of everyone's arch nemesis the Seattle Thunderbirds, in this thrilling New Year's Eve battle to the finish! After that? Pucker up, Portland! WSH
Rose Garden, One Center Court, 8 pm, $14.25-52


DEAD ALIVE—For a hangover like the one you're likely nursing, there are few things better than relaxing in a dark room and watching zombies fuck shit up. The Hollywood has your back with an afternoon 35mm screening of George Romero's underrated 1985 Day of the Dead. Plus, they have beer, in case you decide gore and the hair of the dog is the way to cure your pain and shame. EH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 3 pm, $7

'80s LASER—Okay, hangover gone? Good. 'Cause OMSI's kicking off a new laser show in their planetarium, and this one ignores bullshit like Pink Floyd and Christmas carols and instead celebrates the greatest musical decade in human history: Laser '80s. Yes. EH
OMSI, 1945 SE Water, Tues-Sun 3 pm, through April 30, $5.75-7.50


COMING UP ROSES—I was walking through downtown the other day, and some window on some building on SW 4th had this HUGE HONKING display about the University of Oregon's football team getting to play in some big game called the Rose Bowl. And you know what I always say: People don't make big window displays about stuff you're not supposed to care about. DCT
Oregon Ducks vs. Wisconsin Badgers, the Rose Bowl (which is in Pasadena, so you should stay home or stagger over to a bar), 2:10 pm, FREE

DEVIL'S SONG—For those bemoaning how "Portland's changed," take solace in one constant: Karaoke from Hell. This rockin' karaoke crew has been consistently kicking it for years, giving singers their golden opportunity to sing in front of a live band! And with over 400 songs to choose from, it'll certainly be the highlight of your year and a great way to kick off 2012. WSH
Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 10 pm, FREE


CAT. IN. SUNGLASSES.—The regular Fin de Cinema nights—where bands perform an original live score for old movies—is reliably excellent, but tonight's is over the top: Portland band Typhoon, among others, is scoring ridiculous Czech new wave film Cassandra Cat (which stars a cat wearing sunglasses! With magic powers!). SM
w/Tu Fawning, Brainstorm; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8:30 pm, $6

SNAP! SNAP!—I would totally join a gang that let me dress all snazzy and dance around snapping the living hell out of synchronized dance numbers. Ah, West Side Story. Come watch the huge bit of bloated awesomeness that is the timeless tale of a handsome Jet who falls in love with a toothsome Shark. Me, I'm off to practice my moves at the local playground. CF
Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay, 7:30 pm, through Jan 8, $30.25 & up


NEVER ENOUGH CRAZY—Fans of Storm Large's big voice and lewd stage banter surely caught her one-woman autobiographical performance Crazy Enough. And if you loved that, then you won't want to miss her memoir titled—wait for it—Crazy Enough! Tonight she reads from the book, so why not take a stab at a signed copy? MS
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

VIVA LAS VEGAS—This week at the Clinton Street, film archivist Ian Sundahl presents Silver State Sinners: Unseen Nevada 16mm Oddities, a program of weird bits of cinematic "trashy treasures" from Sin City—including footage from the 1960 premiere of Ocean's 11, tourists' Kodachrome home movies, footage from 1969's Navy Tailhook convention in Vegas, and "an X-rated glance at brothels." Obviously, this sounds promising. EH
Clinton St. Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, Wed Jan 4-Fri Jan 6, 7 & 9 pm, $7