WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 2

PROMISED LAND—When a natural gas company swoops in on a small town, locals are torn between environmental concerns and the promise of a big payday. Gus Van Sant's newest, Promised Land, is definitely cannon fodder for anyone who thinks Hollywood is too liberal, but the cast is great: John Krasinski is perfect as a smug environmentalist, Matt Damon does a solid everyman impersonation, and Frances McDormand is a goddamn national treasure. AH
Various theaters, see Film Shorts for details

MORONI—South Park creators/geniuses Trey Parker and Matt Stone became the toast of Broadway with The Book of Mormon—the most popular, award-winning, critically raved-about play since Phantom Cats of the Producers. The Portland run sold out in hours, so if you're incredibly wealthy—or lucky enough to win a ticket lottery—you can see what everyone's talking about! EH
Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay, Tues Jan 1-Fri Jan 4, 7:30 pm, Sat Jan 5, 2 & 7 pm, Sun Jan 6, 1 & 6:30 pm, show up 2.5 hours before each performance to enter into ticket lottery to win a chance to buy two tickets for $25 cash each (this system is ludicrous, but what else are you going to do?)

THURSDAY, JANUARY 3

SHY GUY—If you dig modern soul and R&B with a Portland twist, don't miss Shy Girls and billmate PWRHAUS. Bangin' electropop soul with New Jack undertones, Shy Girls lay down a sexy groove while the synth-y smoothness of PWRHAUS piles on layers of head-exploding mystery and passion. WSH
w/Houndstooth; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8:30 pm, $5

BOYEURISM!—Burlesque? I approve. ALL-BOY BURLESQUE? I doubly approve! Drop into the Star Theater on First Thursday for a naughty peek at Boyeurism: A First Thursday All-Male Revue, hosted by Angelique DeVil. Expect high-quality burlesque performed by some devilish (and toned) young gents who aren't afraid of exposing a little skin! PurrrrrRROWRR! WSH
Star Theater, 13 NW 6th, 9 pm, $5

FRIDAY, JANUARY 4

YEPPS!—You'll probably recognize Mike Epps from The Hangover or Resident Evil movies (or Roll Bounce!). He's a funny man who likes shiny clothes, jokes about pot and giving head, and Obama impressions. The LA comic knows how to get a crowd juiced. And he can ride a unicycle! CF
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Fri-Sat 7 & 10 pm, Sun 7 & 9:30 pm, $27-35

MIGHTY GASTRO—Local food writer Karen Brooks pulls the lid off the boiling cauldron of Portland's vast foodie scene in her new book The Mighty Gastropolis: Portland. Go hear her tales of kitchen shenanigans, the rise of this town's favorite chefs, and what makes Portland's stomachs tick. Bring a snack. CF
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

SATURDAY, JANUARY 5

MORE-ICONE—Since you're fresh off seeing Django Unchained (haven't yet? See it!), you are no doubt jonesing for more amazing, trippy, operatic music from those great Italian-made westerns from the '60s. Luckily, Portland's own Federale carries the torch of Ennio Morricone high, with a swarming, psychedelic, orchestral sound that'll splatter spaghetti sauce all over your cowboy boots. NL
w/the Upsidedown, the Purrs; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $10

DROP IT—You can still keep your New Year's workout resolution without having to go to the boring, stinky gym. Wouldn't you rather go to Holocene for this month's installment of Booty Bassment and drop that ass (and those love handles) all over the dance floor? Of course you would. MS
w/DJs Maxx Bass, Nathan Detroit, Ryan & Dimitri; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $5

SUNDAY, JANUARY 6

SCI-FI YES!—Portland's Ursula K. Le Guin isn't just one of the best sci-fi authors in the world. She's one of the best authors in the world, period. The beloved UKLG celebrates the release of the two-volume The Unreal and the Real, a brain-mushingly great collection of her short stories. Somebody better show up with a cake for the lady. SM
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

GIVE A WHO—Kids' variety show You Who kicks off 2013 with a pajama party featuring charming folk-rockers Blind Pilot and the debut of Cat Doorman, the new kid-song project from the Golden Bears' Julianna Bright. Sounds like these kids are gonna have a great time—why can't grownups have this kind of fun? NL
Kennedy School, 5736 NE 33rd, 1 pm, sold out, all ages

MONDAY, JANUARY 7

MOM GENES—It's a timeless question for families with twins: "Why is one such a bum, even though his genetic equal is such a success?" In fancy science talk, that's called "nature vs. nurture," and it's on tap at OMSI's Science Pub. Have a few pints, then go home and giggle over a copy of 1988's Twins, starring Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. DCT
Bagdad Theater, 3702 SE Hawthorne, 7 pm, $5, all ages

MAGIC BALL—It's a Monday in January, the holidays are over, and the rest of the terrible, wet, cold winter stretches before you. So go look at the sports. The Trail Blazers are bringing in the Orlando Magic, in a matchup between two teams fighting hard to tread the waters of "not terrible"—so maybe the game'll be close! DCT
Rose Garden, 1 Center Ct, 7 pm, $10-149

TUESDAY, JANUARY 8

BOOGIE—It's Tuesday: Time to boogie. That's the philosophy at the cozy Swift Lounge, where each week, DJs Mikie Lixx and Gwizski throw down jams in a far more intimate setting than you're used to dancing in, and call it Boogie Tuesday. The dance floor may not be as big as some other venues in town, but there's always room for boogie. MS
Swift Lounge, 1932 NE Broadway, 9 pm, FREE

JUSTIFIED—If you haven't been watching the excellent FX series Justified—get caught up quick 'cuz the slam-bang fourth season starts tonight! Timothy Olyphant (Deadwood) stars as the laconic US Marshal Raylan Givens—but this isn't your normal western crime drama. It hews closely to creator Elmore Leonard's vision of full robust characters that take precedence over the crime in question. Watch it! WSH
Justified, FX, 10 pm, your TV