HELLO, I'M SIX-YEAR-OLD JONATHAN LIPNICKI! You know... from Jerry Maguire! As a trusted public figure, I'm often asked to offer LOTS of opinions—that's why I'm pleased to introduce my new column: "SQUEEE or SQUICKY? by Jonathan Lipnicki." Hope it rates a "SQUEEE!"

Sleepy kittens: That's... SQUEEE!

A grown dog licking the inside of your mouth: No thank you! That's... SQUICKY!

Harry Styles from One Direction: You better believe that's... SQUEEE!

Stepping on a slug: Oh, that's definitely... SQUICKY!

Hearing there's a planned remake of Pete's Dragon: Ohgodohgodohgod yes, and... SQUEEE!

Getting pee-pee in my eye: Can't even think about it, it's too... SQUICKY!

Tiny hedgehogs: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Weird feet: Squick, squick... SQUICKY!

Cupcakes in the break room: Best day ever! And... SQUEEE!

Guys with food in their beards: Ugh. SQUICKY!

Ryan Gosling's nipples: Hummina, hummina, and... SQUEEE!

Pink eye: Unnnngghhh, soooooo... SQUICKY!

Baby bunnies sitting in teacups: Even you have to admit that's... SQUEEE!

The word "moist": Blech. That's... SQUICKY!

A tiny top hat: Worn by a duckling, that's extra... SQUEEE!

Wiggly teeth: Get away from me with those teeth! SQUICKY!

Jonathan Lipnicki at age six: Absolutely, without a doubt... SQUEEEEEEEE!

Jonathan Lipnicki at age 13: Ummmm, well... SQUICKY.

Jonathan Lipnicki at age 25: Ahh-OOOH-gah! Pant! Pant! Also... SQUEEEEEEEE!