SOMETIMES I TALK to famous actors like Brendan Fraser on the phone. Ain't no thing. It's just how I roll. Last time I was shootin' the shit with Bren-Bren (that's my nickname for him)—this was around January or so—he told me this: "Oh, I've got a comedy coming out in April called Furry Vengeance. I worked with Ken Jeong—who you may recall seeing jump out of the trunk of a car in The Hangover—on a piece wherein forest creatures play mean tricks on me for about 90 minutes, and he's the bad guy."
As I hung up the phone, I firmly believed that Furry Vengeance sounded like the greatest idea in the history of cinema. I mean, woodland animals playing tricks on Brendan Fraser? That's cinematic gold right there.
I have since seen Furry Vengeance, and it was, uh... okay, I admit my expectations were a weensy bit high. Bren-Bren plays a real estate developer responsible for tearing down a forest to make room for a new community; Jeong plays his money-minded boss; Brooke Shields (or Amanda Peet, or somebody) plays Bren-Bren's long-suffering wife; a reasonably seamless combination of puppets, CGI, and actual animals make up the rest of the cast. The movie is unspeakably awful. Also, Robin Williams is nowhere to be found, which is confusing.
A wily raccoon is the ringleader of the forest gang that sets all manner of traps and tricks for Fraser. Most of these involve poop, or skunk spray, or Rube Goldberg-style contraptions that send giant boulders rolling down hills, knocking vehicles and their occupants into ravines. Every set piece ends with—splat!—Fraser falling flat on his back. I think your kids are meant to root for the raccoon, who is soft and fuzzy and giggles a lot. So when your kids go out and play with real raccoons and get rabies, you can blame Bren-Bren.