Oh, Those Bare-Backin' Brits! 

Alfie Makes Promiscuity Cool Again


Alfie
dir. Shyer
Opens Fri Nov 5
Various Theaters

First, the good news: you can kiss AIDS, syphilis, and gonorrhea goodbye, because buck-wild sexual promiscuity is BACK! Now, the bad news: It's only back in Hollywood, so put that ill-fitting condom back on--but it was fun while it lasted, eh? The new remake of the '60s free-love classic Alfie is also moderately fun while it lasts, but only because of the juggernaut charm of its leading stud, Jude Law.

Jude plays the titular, tit-loving Alfie, a chick-bagging cad in modern day Manhattan. A part-time chauffeur, Alfie cares little for the monetary pleasures of life, as he is intent on boning every beautiful woman in NYC. Picking up and dumping girls with alarming regularity, Alfie nonetheless has something strangely akin to "feelings" for a single mom (Marisa Tomei) who he pops in on from time to time. But then he also has similar "feelings" for a rich socialite (Susan Sarandon), a hot party chick (Sienna Miller), and his best friend's girl (Nia Long)--who he accidentally knocks up. (See, if Alfie was going condomless in the real world, he'd have genital warts as big as his head.) But regardless of the emotional train wrecks he leaves behind, Alfie blithely skates through his life... until the train wrecks pile up so high he can no longer avoid them.

Speaking of train wrecks, I can only imagine what kind of train wreck this film would have been without the charm-yer-pants-off talent of Jude Law. Alfie is a complete, insufferable prick, yet Law imbues the character with such overwhelming likeability that it's no wonder everyone wants to fuck him. Hell... I want to fuck him.

But while the script bubbles with a certain witty repartee, the story seems entirely geared toward cheering for Alfie's downfall. Unfortunately, the kind of comeuppance women audience members are praying for never really comes, which leaves one wondering, "What exactly was the point of this movie?" (However, if the point is "Jude Law is hot," then I'll allow it.)

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