Oral Studies 

A Guide to Quick Collegiate Blowjobs

The quick, anonymous blowjob has been a staple of higher learning ever since Plato blew Socrates in that cave. Whether you're a full-time homo hunting for quick-time fun, or just a horny het boy willing to let some random guy bob on your wiener while you fantasize about Colleen from Survivor, your campus has a venue to serve your speedy blowjob needs.

LOCKER ROOMS!

All our local institutions of higher learning have full-service gymnasiums equipped with full-service locker rooms, which are frequently stocked with full-service men. Locker room tomfoolery has its up and downs. On the up side, the gym sex dating pool is likely to be populated by men who are at least somewhat interested in their health and physical appearance. On the down side, the gym's likely to be polluted by at least a few fuddy-duddy rat finks, who will waste no time in reporting your sexy ass to gym authorities, thereby ruining your chances of ever using gym facilities for any reason again.

RESTROOMS!

For expedient, no-strings, stress-busting student orgasms, nothing can compare to a properly situated collegiate men's room. While both Lewis & Clark and PSU no doubt have several such rooms, the bustling men's room scene at Reed is so renowned that students (and student lovers) from around the area flock to these depositories of love.

In a few of these restrooms, willing suckers sit in the stalls, peering through makeshift peepholes that look out onto the row of urinals, where willing suckees stand, and, in the lingo of the attendant graffiti, "show it hard!" For the sake of both modesty and good common sense (bathroom busts are a fact of life), suckers and suckees usually complete their business in one of the stalls, keeping an ear out for new entrants from the outside world. (It would be a shame to wreck a promising scholastic career for the sake of fellatio-on-the-fly.)

Without the luxury of peepholes, suck hunters communicate via the makeshift Morse code of foot tapping, a crude language based on the assumption that anyone who taps their foot while seated on a toilet wants to suck your dick. In these cases, stalls are where the action happens, and smart suck sluts keep a constant watch on the door.

Some final words of wisdom for collegiate blowjob hunters:

Suckers--remember that it's the suckee's job to make the preliminary move. Don't humiliate yourself or others by propositioning someone who may just be there to urinate. And don't let people come in your mouth; it increases your risk factor exponentially.

Suckees--remember that letting one or two or 50 fags suck your dick WON'T make you gay unless you already are. The simple fact is that fags tend to be better at and much more willing to perform oral sex than women, so lean back, enjoy, and envision who you will--collegiate blowjobs are a memory you'll treasure for the rest of your stupid, boring lives.

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