Am I a Globetrotter? Let's face it, there are travelers and then there are "bad" travelers. Some of us wander around the world looking for adventure. Some of us wander around our apartments looking for that bong we had just a minute ago. Do you have what it takes to be an international jetsetter, or are you better suited to a recliner, remote, and a plate of tater tots? Don't sign up for that cruise around the world until you take this simple true/false quiz and find out! Good luck!

T F I try to arrive at the airport 10 minutes before departure, so I don't have to wait around.
T F I can say "I am a Canadian," in four languages.
T F I have eaten bugs.
T F I have eaten bugs on purpose.
T F I have been strip-searched by the PDX INS.
T F I can name five or more nations in Africa.
T F I have a map with little pushpins marking all the places I've been.
T F I wish I had a map with little pushpins marking all the places I've been.
T F I never travel anywhere I've already been.
T F Dysentery isn't so bad, once you get used to it.
T F I can recognize my luggage on the baggage claim belt from 20 feet away.
T F The shuttle bus driver at PDX knows my name.
T F It's not a funny hat, it's a pith helmet.
T F When they ask me whether my luggage has been under my control at all times, I lie.
T F Anywhere is better than here.
T F Somewhere in my home there is a little dish filled with foreign coins.
T F I have hidden customs contraband in a Tampax box.
T F I am an American, and believe that all other cultures must bow before me.

Did you answer True to 10 or more of the above? Congratulations! You have what it takes to be a jetsetting, playboy globetrotter! Grab that passport and fanny pack and head for the skies. Globetrotters get along well with OPB listeners, Banana Republic salespeople, and Francophiles. They are hated by flight attendants, and tend to be very good at basketball. Globetrotters who bring back presents have many friends. Stingy globetrotters are lonely and have hepatitis.