Rogue Warrior: Violence of Action Richard Marcinko (Atria Books)

When it comes to guilty pleasures, nothing beats the "military action" genre. Unfortunately many of it's grenade-throwin' cigar-chompin' action heroes are... well... "pussies." These characters are written for actual army grunts whose only interest lies in "realism" and pages of flowery prose dedicated to the latest military hardware. That's not for me. When I want my brain-pan turned off, I go to the expert. The Rogue Warrior. Richard Marcinko.

Marcinko writes crazy, foul-mouthed, anti-P.C. books. In his latest epic, Violence of Action--which is such a wonderfully retarded title I can barely stand it--the Rogue Warrior is on the hunt for a hidden nuclear bomb. And it's hidden right here in Portland, Oregon!!

Even more wonderfully retarded? The Rogue Warrior is Marcinko himself. Writing in first-person and in full braggadocio mode, Marcinko paints himself as an uber-Navy SEAL who doesn't take shit from anybody--not even the President! And it's the Prez who gives him carte blanche to take out a bunch of nuke-thieving terrorists who have chosen to make their point by wiping the Rose City off the map.

Why Portland? According to Marcinko, "...Portland makes sense as a target for these assholes. It's as liberal a motherfucking Sodom and Gomorrah as you can find--outside of San Fran-Fucking-Frisco."

And while Marcinko the Rogue Warrior may not mind saving a bunch of liberal Portlanders, Marcinko the writer doesn't appear to be a fan of our little burg. He allows the terrorists to explode a "dirty nuke" (a regular bomb covered in medical radioactive waste) right in the middle of Chinatown, which levels a city block, kills the mayor (Sorry, Vera) and puts the entire "city council on tranquilizers" (as if they needed an excuse).

Though Marcinko's self-gratifying tome is laugh-out-loud ridiculous, he nevertheless writes tight page-turning prose in a way that other more-respected authors could learn from. Check out Violence of (guffaw) Action. It's the least you can do after the Rogue Warrior saved your liberal pansy ass. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY