Mirror Ball, XV, 15 SW 2nd

Sure to be packed like sexy sardines before 10 pm, XV is featuring eclectic DJs Nick Fury and Sick Bay. We dare you not to move!

Don't Ask Don't Tell Super Secret Show, Slabtown, 1033 NW 16th

Most of the time I tell "secret shows" to "shove it." But Slabtown can definitely be trusted for guaranteed gritty rock goodness.

Berbati's New Year's Blowout, Berbati's, 10 SW 3rd, $15 (advance)

Only hiphop can undo the damage of cheesy X-mas music. Don't miss Portland's best: Lifesavas, Libretto, Siren's Echo, and DJ Kez.

Champagne Blowout, Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, $13-$15

Check out Dante's mainstays Storm & the Balls and stay for some karaoke fun with Karaoke from Hell--who can make anybody sound as good as Huey Lewis.

Super Funky New Year's, Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark

Goodfoot is now bestowing booze, which makes it a totally legit NYE destination. Catch the funky psychedelic rock of Ashbury Park followed by Luminous Fog, an energetic 8-piece funk and reggae ensemble.

Rock 'N' Roll New Years, Sabala's Mt. Tabor, 4811 SE Hawthorne, $8

An in-your-drunk-face lineup with Zeke, Blackout Radio, The Stivs, and Filthy White Trash.

Fir Ball, Doug Fir, 8 pm - 4 am, 830 E Burnside, $20-$25

Trash the "fashionably late" philosophy and plan on being there all night with the glammy Steve Perry-fronted White Hot Odyssey. Or enjoy two floors of Portland's most party-perfect DJs: Pander, Izm, Evil One, Anjali, and The Incredible Kid.

Barracuda, 7 pm - 4 am, 9 NW 2nd Ave, $25

Nothing goes better with alcohol than fire dancers and the aerial dance team shenanigans of A-Wol. Plus, dancing "til 4 am!

Caliente New Year's Eve, 8 pm, Sapphire Hotel, 5008 SE Hawthorne, $25

Cover includes dinner, dancing (flamenco, salsa, and tango), champagne AND a few drinks. This is realistically the cheapest, coolest New Year's event yet.

Porky's Pub, 9 pm, 835 N. Lombard, free

Traditional singalongs with The Wobblies, and country-rock group Port Authority.

Tube, 8 NW 3rd

Move it mellow-style this New Year's at Tube, featuring the Soul and breakbeats of Maxamillion, and the 8-track stylings of DJ KG!

Karaoke Blast!, Beulahland, 118 NE 28th, free

Sing in the New Year!

Tonic New Year's Eve, Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy, $10

More fun with Everyday Victory, Watch it Burn, Herkemer, and Pinehurst Kids.

Ash St. , 225 SW Ash, $10

The Northwest's own meaty metal and rock traditionalists Plain Jayne and Atom Sane.

Adios!!! 2004, Bossanova, 722 E Burnside, $20

These salsa parties are seriously crazy. Like being caught on the set of Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights --but really fun!

Hillbilly Hoe Down, Conan's Pub, 3862 SE Hawthorne, $10

Conan's ditches the metal for rocky, bluesy, jazzy bands Big Island Shindig and Buds of May.

Noir Party, dinner 5 pm, dancing 10 pm, Noir, 203 SE Grand, $25

Stuff your face with an awesome prime rib dinner (veggie options available) and be serenaded by Michael York, Dennis Hitchcock, and Mr. Romo. Ravi dance party afterwards with DJs Mena, Aizlynn, Eric, Adam O'Suna, and Demetre.

Bucktown, 9 pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, $6

Fly Girls and Fly Boys as well as the unquestionably talented DJs on 2x4, Beyonda and 4 Star. Plus, the rambunctious Sparkleheart christens the New Year.

A Crystal New Year's Celebration, 8 pm, Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, $25-$30; Lola-Oke, 9 pm, Lola's Room, free

Light parades, projections, and decadent decorations, plus fire dancers, living art, and drum parades. See the critically acclaimed rock of Steve Kimock, as well as Flowmotion and Midnight Parade. JENNA ROADMAN