If there was ever an excuse to drive five hours into the baffling abyss that is Central Washington, it's Sasquatch! This year's two-day music festival is the finest to date, drawing in nearly 40 acts from all over the globe, performing in front of the beautiful backdrop that is the Gorge. Below is a rundown of each day's highlights, so cut this guide out, fold it up, and smuggle it into the festival, along with your most valuable of possessions—your hip flask.

Saturday, May 26

Today is all about Björk. It does not matter if you like her, hate her, or just want to borrow her swan dress—today is Björk's day and you better be sweet. She won't be on until 11 pm, so start the day off nice and early with Sweden's Loney, Dear (who have the unfair burden of playing at noon). Due to multiple stages there are bound to be some conflicts, so don't be afraid to ditch your friends in order to see the bands you want. The buddy system is for sissies, and besides, between you and me, your friends are kind of lame. Today's biggest conflict occurs when Neko Case shares a set time with Electrelane. That's like an indierock Sophie's Choice. Totally not fair!

Sunday, May 27

While not as star studded as yesterday's lineup, today is all about diversity. Feel free to get global with Michael Franti, mope along with Interpol, or enjoy a rare Bad Brains performance that is most likely going to feature some sort of Beastie Boys collaboration. Today's biggest conflict comes when the kiddies in Smoosh overlap with Spoon. I can't pick a winner between those two, and besides, I'll be busy tracking down the event's host, Sarah Silverman, to inquire why she chose Jimmy Kimmel over me. Once again, totally not fair!

However! Just in case your mom refuses to drive you and your pals to the Gorge (or the idea of camping next to your fellow man frightens you), you might want to break out that Elmer's and use this page to make your very own Sasquatch! popsicle-stick puppet concert that you can enjoy in the comfort of your own home. Loser.

Click image below for a printable version.

For more information on Sasquatch!, go to sasquatchfestival.com