The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.
I may be the one wearing a skirt, but you guys are the pussies. You saw me walking by myself late at night on a long stretch of road, and I guess you just figured, "Fellas, we need to throw some rocks." A "Fuck you!" is what you got from me that night, but I wanted to throw in another little fuck you for the rest of the week. In your ignorance, I guess you thought a man wearing a kilt might be an easy target, forgetting that I'm descended from nomadic fucking warriors who ate raw meat with their hands and drank with the strength of ten armies! Then again, you hid like children when I challenged you. I'll have you know that I spent the rest of the evening playing drums in my rock band and drinking beer in the company of not one but three ladies. I only wish I could have topped off the night with a sound ass kicking. I know there were at least three of you, which really makes me want to fuck you up. So, next time you see me walking in my kilt, don't hide--bring it. Three on one is just fine with me.