You're sick, and we don't mean "cool." Look at you. Hunched over your desk, snot running into your mouth, eyes glazed over. You're disgusting. Is it a cold? A flu? Walking mononucleosis? Or do you just need a divorce? Only a true medical professional knows for sure. But when are you sick enough to justify the co-pay? Take this easy true/false quiz and find out. Good luck!
T F My nose itches.
T F I forgot that I consume three or more alcoholic drinks everyday, and took a handful of pseudoephedrine hydrochloride geltabs.
T F My mucus is canary yellow.
T F I have circle lesions on my torso.
T F My muscles are cramping up.
T F I have a cold sore.
T F I have a canker sore.
T F I have bruises I don't remember getting.
T F I have an open wound I don't remember getting.
T F I am coughing up fluid.
T F The fluid is black.
T F I can't eat.
T F I can't stop eating.
T F I have the constant feeling I'm having a heart attack.
T F I am having a hot flash.
T F I am having a cold flash.
T F My hair is falling out.
T F My left ear feels really hot and swells up sometimes.
T F I have an ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit.
T F I "am taken out of reality" when I am around dust, cats, pollen.
T F I can't breathe when I exercise or get excited.
T F I am depressed because I can't move.
T F I have trouble urinating.
T F Sometimes I feel like there is a barrier between me and the real world.
Did you answer "true" to 10 or more of the above? Call your doctor immediately! If you answered "true" to 15 or more of the above, call 911 or head to the nearest emergency room. People desperately in need of medical attention often get along well with hypochondriacs, drug dealers and candy stripers. They are spurned by loved ones and roommates.