Self-Hell 

Analysis for People on the Go

Am I a Franco-Bigot?

Do you love to ridicule the French? Well, you're in luck! It's never been more socially acceptable! Not a French-hater, but looking for a cultural punch line for your vitriol? Consider jumping on the anti-Frog bandwagon. It's EASY to make fun of the French. And fun! But before you get started, it's important that you get your gripes straight. Take this easy true/false quiz to determine your level of Franco-bigotry. Good luck!

T F I don't order French fries. I order Freedom fries.

T F The only French food I like is Franco-American spaghetti in a can.

T F Berets are stupid.

T F The only French colony I can name is Louisiana.

T F Pornography isn't the real reason they kicked "Frenchie" off American Idol.

T F I saw the Mona Lisa once. It was disappointing.

T F The best French performance ever on-screen was Truffaut's cameo in Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

T F French men have big noses and tiny mustaches.

T F France's biggest contribution to world culture is the pink Chanel suit.

T F It's anatomically impossible for words to be masculine or feminine.

T F French cars are too small.

T F French cheese tastes funny.

T F A county without a "coffee-to-go" concept is, by definition, backward.

T F The best part of the Champs Elysees is McDonald's.

T F Pregnant French women are alcoholics.

T F A county that only works a 35-hour work week can not possibly produce anything worth buying.

T F The only thing worse than a Canadian, is a French Canadian.

T F I had a bad bidet experience.

Did you answer "true" to ten or more of the above? Congratulations! You are a true blue Franco-bigot! Did you answer "true" to five or more? You're simmering with vaguely repressed anti-French sentiment just waiting to burst forth like a puss-swollen cyst! Let it spill from your every orifice. Franco-bigots get along well with anti-Semites, racists, and anglophiles. They do not get along well with Catherine Deneuve.

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