Matt Bors

Deep in the heart of America naps a widespread culture of infantilists: grownups who sleep in oversized cribs, mess their diapers, sleep with teddy bears, and wear "onesies" to diaper-fetish parties. As you might expect, much of this fetish is tied up in sexual urges, but it's more complex than you think.

But why am I explaining this to you, when we have a real, live grown-up baby here to tell you what it's all about? I found 23-year-old Tad online, and he was gracious enough to share his own story of diapers, car seats, and sexual awakening:

"I was an average kid. My parents were pretty good, there were no real problems there. I did a lot of stuff outside—soccer, baseball, the usual. Throughout childhood, I had various encounters with younger kids, and I guess I just started to like the entire idea of being young again.

"Then, when I was 10, my mom's friend had a carseat in our house one afternoon, and I had a chance to sit in it. Even though I didn't fit too well, it was kind of a big deal for me.

"When I was growing up, my parents used cloth diapers on me. They still had them around the house, so I saw the opportunity to wear those. The first time I decided to try them on, they didn't fit, so I had to tape two of them together. That was the first time I ever ejaculated. Just from being in the diaper. I must have been 13 then.

"I didn't start wetting my diapers until later. One day in high school, I bought some diapers—just the regular baby kind. When I got home, I tried one on, and it was 10 times better than the cloth. I came immediately.

"Then, I tried to wet the diaper, but it just wasn't happening. Even then, I had to take the diaper off and put it between me and the toilet, and that was how I was first able to pee in one.

"After that, I started using the diapers all the time. To this day, I've never masturbated in my life without a diaper. I wouldn't fantasize about girls or boys or anything, though. Even now, I identify as asexual. Just the comfort of feeling like a baby and the sensation of the diaper was all I needed to get aroused.

"When college came, I moved to the dorms, and was online a lot more. I met somebody online—another boy. We met at his apartment, but I didn't really have sexual feelings for him. He did put a diaper on me that night, though. I was too nervous to return the favor.

"My primary fantasy these days is about being alone in a baby supply store. Having free reign to sleep in the cribs and sit in the strollers—stuff like that.

"At this point, I've gotten to where I can just put a diaper on and relieve myself. But number two—I've tried that a few times, and every single time, I swear that's the last time I'm doing it. Because of the smell and general clean up. Some people are really into that part, but a lot of us find that it's more work than it's worth.

"I have friends, but they don't know about the diapers and everything. Naturally, I always feel like I'm on the outside, like I have this secret that I'm hiding. Sometimes it's tough, but sometimes it's kind of fun to have a secret. My parents still ask why I'm not dating, but I just tell them that I haven't found anyone yet.

"About a year ago, I wound up getting an apartment with some roommates. I started wearing diapers every single night. I'd come home from school, put the diaper on, and it was pretty much like normal underwear. Typically, I'll just pee in it, and an hour or so later, take it off. Sometimes I masturbate in it, too. I'm also into adult-sized baby clothes, like onesies and rompers and overalls. I have a teddy bear that I still sleep with, but I'm one of the only [infantilists] I know who doesn't sleep with a pacifier.

"One day, I'd like to have my own house filled with stuff, like a giant nursery. I'd definitely like someone to share this with, though not necessarily sexually. Just a place with all my paraphernalia, and someone to be with. That's sounds like a pretty good future to me."