Swoll to Perfection 

Talking Brews and Babes with @DadBoner's Karl Welzein

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SINCE 2010, Karl Welzein has espoused his love of babes, beers, and the bold flavors of Guy Fieri's cooking via his Twitter account @DadBoner. (Sample tweet: "My workout routine: 1. Look at a pic of Stone Cold Steve Austin. 2. Do 'shups 'til you look like the Rattlesnake. 3. Cut off your sleeves.")

The attention it brought him was parlayed into a book deal; the Michigan native unleashed Power Moves: Livin' the American Dream, USA Style on the world earlier this year. Part-memoir, part-inspirational tome, it tracks Welzein's personal failings (divorce, heart attack) and successes (partying, cold ones, carnal pleasures) with a never-say-die attitude. We caught up with the author (in reality: comedian Mike Burns) in advance of his upcoming stand-up show at Mississippi Studios.

MERCURY: How have your family and friends reacted to being written about in your book?

KARL WELZEIN: Not really sure. They never believed I wrote a book. Guess they're not so intellectual. Kinda forgot I wrote it myself. Never got my Camaro from Harper Collins. Still kinda steamed 'bout it. If you write a book and don't get a Camaro, why'd you write it in the first place?

How is your health these days?

My bod is always on point. Don't need a gym when you got a floor. Just do a couple 'shups. Any time I feel my fitness might be headed down below 110 percent, I just drop and do some gruntin' and groanin' up and down 'til my guy pecs and rattlesnakes are swoll to perfection.

Have you been able to meet some of your idols like Kid Rock, Bob Seger, or Guy Fieri?

Never met Bob and Bob. We gotta definitely rock it someday soon with the heat of a thousand suns. Supposed to hook up with Guy real soon though, once he gets wind of my screenplay co-starring us in Roadhouse 2013: Pain Still Don't Hurt. It's so money.

You were here in Portland for the Bridgetown Comedy Fest earlier this year. What did you think of our fair city?

It's off the chain. Value cold ones? Premium babes with thick and all-natural chest beefers? Man. Plus, they all got rockin' tats. Might have to get one myself. Thinkin' 'bout gettin' Eddie Van Halen's Frankenstrat on my 'cep. Really show the babes how I'm down for anything at all times.

What's next for you?

Probably a cold one. Ha!

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