THAT AWKWARD MOMENT Just another shopping date and Starbucks stop with the boys!

I'M GONNA NEED some of you men to talk me through some things.

When you're nice around girls—okay, when you're nice-ish around girls—and then it's just you and your boys, can you really flip a switch to become a despicable shit-monster from the depths of Ass Mountain? Are there men I have dated—even loved—who do that? I'm going to need you to be honest with me here.

If the three lead characters in That Awkward Moment are actual representatives of you people, I am so fucking done. When Mikey (Fruitvale Station and Friday Night Lights' Michael B. Jordan, backsliding tremendously career-wise) is left by his wife, his buddies Jason (Zac Efron) and Daniel (Miles Teller) step up to distract him with fresh pussy. (And by "pussy," of course, I mean "human beings" with "feelings.") Jason and Daniel offer helpful tips, like never seeing a girl twice in one week, not showing up to important stuff, and keeping a packed roster of booty calls. They pledge to stay single together. However, because no mortal bro can resist feminine witchery, these poor dudes are quickly coerced into relationships with stunning women who are way too good for them, thus complicating their pact and evolving them from douchebags into near-humans in the process.

This is a universe in which 26-year-olds have their own apartments in Manhattan, where a former Dillon Panther is a doctor, and where Zac Efron leads board meetings. Not exactly plausible stuff. Still, if this fiction is crafted for men and women to see together on a date night, maybe the filmmakers could have made its male characters less bottom-feeding jerkoffs, and the female characters more self-respecting and fully formed? We women-folk prefer that sort of thing. And guys, we want to think that you do, too. Please confirm. Because I'm currently looking for any reason not to walk away from the whole lot of you.