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The Bags they are a-Blowin': A paper bag blew into the WW's yard today. How did it get there?

The WW has learned that a paper bag blew into the WW's yard today. Despite years of fighting to keep this yard neat and tidy, the bag, described by onlookers as "brown, with a Jack in the Box logo," was seen blowing down the street before eventually wedging itself between the WW's rhododendron bushes.

However, an exclusive WW investigation reveals this was no ordinary bag. This bag contained two distinctly different soiled wrappers: one originally encasing a Big Texas Cheeseburger, the other a Sourdough Grilled Chicken Club. Two people were obviously involved in the illegal disposal of this bag. The question: Who are they, and is anyone going to come over and pick up this bag?

After multiple attempts at contacting city, county, state and even the federal government, the WW finally reached the WW's garbage person. However, the WW then learned that our trash was not scheduled to be picked up until the following Tuesday--and even then, the garbage person would not remove the bag from the WW's rhododendron bushes.

Undaunted, a WW reporter then contacted the managers of every Jack in the Box within a 25-mile radius, and asked each to send an employee out to the WW's house to retrieve the bag. Tommy Peterson, the assistant manager of the Beaverton Plaza Jack in the Box, refused the WW's request.

"Look, dude. I've got my balls to the wall here," he said. "Why don't you pick up the bag yourself?"

After looking into Peterson's question, the WW discovered it didn't want to pick up the bag. A WW reporter then contacted the managers of every Jack in the Box within a 25-mile radius, and asked each if anyone had purchased a Big Texas Cheeseburger and a Sourdough Grilled Chicken Club within the past five days. Phyllis Stoughton, the manager of the Jack in the Box located at 10063 SE Anderton Boulevard, had no clue as to who the perpetrator, or perpetrators, could be.

"We are extremely busy here, sir," she said. "And I don't want your reporters calling here no more."

As of press time, no one has claimed the Jack in the Box bag that blew into the WW's yard. In the meantime, the WW has learned that the WW has filed a lawsuit against the state, the city, the county, the federal government, Jack in the Box Inc., the WW's garbage person, Tommy Peterson, Phyllis Stoughton and the two unknown assailants who threw away the Jack in the Box bag in the first place.

Justice WILL be served--even if Jack in the Box refuses to put it on their menu.

CORRECTION

In this week's WW, Mark Zusman's news article ("The Bags They Are a-Blowin'") identified the fast food bag in his yard as originating from Jack in the Box. This was incorrect. In fact, the bag was from Burger King. In addition, our feature next week, which will be entitled "7-11 Introduces Larger-Sized Big Gulp" states that their new drink will be called the "Supersize Big Swig." This will be incorrect. It will be called the "Really Big Big Gulp." WW regrets the errors.

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