PREMIUM RUSH “Hey girl, want to talk about my fixie?”

A FILM BASED on the wet dreams of bike couriers everywhere, Premium Rush is one of the stupidest movies ever, which is to say it's both remarkably silly and surprisingly fun. A thriller set in the exhilarating world of... uh... bike couriering, it stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt—the guy your girlfriend likes more than she likes you—as Wilee, a character whose name is (A) pronounced like the coyote's, and (B) nearly as dumb as the phrase "premium rush." Bike courier Wilee, like most people with fixies, never shuts the fuck up about his fixie, and he also says things like "Brakes are death!" and "Runnin' reds, killin' peds." He'd be insufferable if JoGoLev, who is way more handsome and likeable than you, didn't play him.

Naturally, Wilee gets A Very Important Envelope to deliver, and fast—no prob, 'cause brakes are death or whatever. But then a violent, racist cop with a bad pai gow habit (Michael Shannon, glaring angrily and/or laughing maniacally) decides he'll stop at nothing to get that envelope! Wilee's got other worries, too—his girlfriend (Dania Ramirez) is angry! He has a rivalry with a bike courier (Wolé Parks) who does believe in gears and brakes! And Bike Cop! (Bike Cop—that's his name, on IMDb and everything—is played by Christopher Place. He shakes his fist at Wilee a lot, because Wilee has no respect for New York's bicycle laws.)

If you're willing to roll with Premium Rush's goofy charms—during one of the film's 4,352 not-so-thrilling sequences in which Wilee uses Google Maps to plot his course, My Chemical Romance's "Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)" blasts over the soundtrack to keep everybody's energy up—you'll likely have a pretty great time. Wilee does zany bike tricks, and there's a lot of fast-paced speeding through Manhattan, and Shannon whoops and squints, and romance is found at a Sleigh Bells show, and there's even a strategically deployed flash mob. All of it is insane and ridiculous, and all of it proves why there aren't more movies about people with fixies.