It's a constant argument here in the Mercury office: Which employee is the BEST at imitating Steven Seagal? And it's not enough to simply grimace and say things like, "I'm going to punch my fist through your crotch." We strive to capture the essence of Seagal, by practicing his moves, protecting the environment, and developing that unshakable zen-like sense of calm he demonstrates (even when punching his fist through someone's crotch).
In order to settle which Mercury employee makes the BEST Steven Seagal, the top-four candidates competed in the first annual Mercury Steven Seagal Challenge. And even better? We videotaped it, put it on our website (portlandmercury.com/podcasts), and now we're asking YOU to judge it!
Simply watch the video and follow the instructions to vote on who makes the best Seagal by taking our online poll. You will judge each contestant on how they perform in four categories: (1) Overall Seagal Resemblance, (2) Beating Up a Bunch of Cardboard Boxes That Are Supposed to be Chuck Norris, (3) Delivery of Seagal's Most Famous Lines, and (4) Beating Up an Unsuspecting Mercury Employee Who Doesn't Look Anything Like Chuck Norris.
Here are the contestants!
• Mercury Film Editor ERIK HENRIKSEN
Special Power: Can harness the explosive violence of Seagal.
• Mercury Editor-in-Chief WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Special Power: Looks more like Steven Seagal than Steven Seagal does.
• Mercury Music Editor ADAM GNADE
Special Power: Able to attain zen-like calm, even when beating up a cardboard box with Chuck Norris' picture on it.
• Mercury Intern CHRISTINE S. BLYSTONE
Special Power: Loves and protects the "environment"—just like Steven Seagal!
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? WATCH THE VIDEO NOW on the Mercury's Pod 'n' Vod page (portlandmercury.com/podcasts), and VOTE on who's the greatest SEAGAL OF ALL!