Am I ready to buy a house?
My credit history is:
B. My friends will vouch for me
C. What's "credit history"?
D. None of your bees-wax!
My dream house is:
A. Up to code and move-in ready
B. An English Tudor with a kiddie pool
C. A sailboat like the one Quincy lived on. Wouldn't that be cool?
D. Manufactured by Mattel
Currently I live:
A. In a rental house
B. In an apartment
C. With my parents
D. With my friend's parents
My down payment money is:
A. In the bank
B. In my parent's bank
C. In a jar filled with pennies, nickels, and dimes
D. Currently being held by the 7-11 cashier
I would describe my general financial situation as:
A. Fantastic! Money is burning a hole in my pockets.
B. I paid most of my bills last month.
C. I paid for my last burrito in full and with cash!
D. Jobs are for the bourgeoisie!
Is this the right house for me?
I think my realtor is:
A. A real go-getter
B. Kind of a dick!
C. Hot--I'd like to take up residence in her pants
D. Over-reacting with the restraining order
I've looked at several houses, and the one I like most is:
A. A two-story colonial
B. A ranch style in Hillsboro
C. A fixer-upper in North Portland
D. A tee-pee
My "can't live without" feature in a house is:
A. Gourmet kitchen
B. Two bathrooms
C. A party basement
D. A sunflower-yellow aura
The first thing I will do in my new house is:
A. Remodel the second floor
B. Make sure we're attached to the sewer system
C. Throw a kegger
D. Paint a mural depicting the history of space travel
Give yourself 1 point for every A, 2 points for every B, 3 points for every C and 4 points for every D. Now add up your points. If you scored between 1 and 6, congratulations, you are ready for home ownership! You are a fine American and will take good care of the yard. If you scored between 7 and 12, you are decidedly average and adequately prepared for homeownership. If you scored between 13 and 16, you probably want a house, but don't deserve one and won't qualify for a mortgage. And if you scored above 17, you are either a small child or should live in a group home.