The Return of the Queen 

Maleficent Is a Badass Bitch—For Kids!

MALEFICENT "Hello. I would like to order two burritos with extra fart sauce."

MALEFICENT "Hello. I would like to order two burritos with extra fart sauce."

Á LA WICKED, Maleficent tries to do that thing where we learn about a villain and question our perceptions of a popular story. (In this case, Disney's Maleficent riffs on Disney's Sleeping Beauty.) Yeah, okay. Sure. Whatever. But that's not the takeaway.

It's been a long time since I've seen an Angelina Jolie movie. I'm pretty sure she's only played a spy in trench coats and sunglasses for at least 10 years. Boring. Predictable. Everybody gets lame after having kids; how could a sexy millionaire humanitarian be any different? I gave up. And hadn't you?

BUT GET THIS: It's not too late for our beloved St. Angelina! As "Mistress of All Evil" Maleficent, Jolie gives us nothing but the badass, murder-faced, classic Angie we fell in love with years ago. This film has huge battles for good and evil, and it's packed with CGI, but Maleficent works best in its quiet moments—when Angelina's gigantic prosthetic cheekbones fill the screen, she's as scary, vulnerable, and awesome as we remember.

The plot fumbles quite a bit—there's a lot of confused vengeance—but that can't take away from the straight-up fun that Jolie brings. This might be pretty scary for some kiddos, but send them anyway, so long as you're cool with them aspiring become mystical sociopaths with a lot of confidence and gray morals, which, let's be honest, is probably best-case scenario for a lot of them anyway. And if you still think about Girl, Interrupted a lot (who doesn't?), you should go too. Queen Angie lives. Long live the queen.

Speaking of...

Maleficent
Rated PG · 98 minutes · 2014
Official Site: movies.disney.com/maleficent
Director: Robert Stromberg
Producer: Joe Roth, Angelina Jolie, Don Hahn, Palak Patel, Matt Smith and Sarah Bradshaw
Cast: Angelina Jolie, Elle Fanning, Sharlto Copley, Lesley Manville, Imelda Staunton, Juno Temple, Sam Riley, Brenton Thwaites, Kenneth Cranham, Sarah Flind, Hannah New, Isobelle Molloy, Michael Higgins, Ella Purnell, Jackson Bews, Vivienne Jolie-Pitt, Eleanor Worthington-Cox and Janet McTeer
Maleficent 3D
Rated PG · 98 minutes · 2014
Official Site: movies.disney.com/maleficent
Director: Robert Stromberg
Producer: Joe Roth, Angelina Jolie, Don Hahn, Palak Patel, Matt Smith and Sarah Bradshaw
Cast: Angelina Jolie, Elle Fanning, Sharlto Copley, Lesley Manville, Imelda Staunton, Juno Temple, Sam Riley, Brenton Thwaites, Kenneth Cranham, Sarah Flind, Hannah New, Isobelle Molloy, Michael Higgins, Ella Purnell, Jackson Bews, Vivienne Jolie-Pitt, Eleanor Worthington-Cox and Janet McTeer
Maleficent IMAX 3D
Rated PG · 98 minutes · 2014
Official Site: movies.disney.com/maleficent
Director: Robert Stromberg
Producer: Joe Roth, Angelina Jolie, Don Hahn, Palak Patel, Matt Smith and Sarah Bradshaw
Cast: Angelina Jolie, Sharlto Copley, Elle Fanning, Sam Riley, Imelda Staunton, Juno Temple, Lesley Manville, Kenneth Cranham and Brenton Thwaites

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