THURSDAY, JANUARY 7
8:00 ANI BEAR WHISPERER
Debut! A wildlife specialist "whispers" to bears; bears respond by "eating" his ass.
10:00 VH1 CELEBRITY REHAB WITH DR. DREW
Season premiere! Dr. Drew welcomes another cast of celeb wastoids including Tom Sizemore, Mackenzie Phillips, and Dennis Rodman!
FRIDAY, JANUARY 8
11:00 COM JOHN OLIVER'S NEW YORK STAND-UP SHOW
The Daily Show's John Oliver hosts this stand-up comedy series, tonight featuring Nick Kroll, Eugene Mirman, and more!
SATURDAY, JANUARY 9
9:00 BBCA DEMONS
Teen demon hunter Luke fights to rescue enslaved children (which has nothing to do with me, btw).
SUNDAY, JANUARY 10
9:00 FOX THE SIMPSONS' 20th ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL
Wait... The Simpsons have been on for 20 YEARS?? (Excuse me, I've apparently gone missing from my rest home.)
9:00 HBO BIG LOVE
Season premiere! Bill prepares to open his new casino while dealing with his three wives. Man, those Mormons keep busy.
9:00 SYFY BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: THE PLAN
It's the entirety of BSG—as seen through the eyes of the Cylons. Unnecessary much?
MONDAY, JANUARY 11
8:00 CBS HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
The cast celebrates their 100th episode with a musical number about "suits." I don't get it, either.
10:30 VH1 LET'S TALK ABOUT PEP
Debut! Pepa (from Salt-N-Pepa) looks for love with help from three of her sassiest friends! Too... much... sass!
TUESDAY, JANUARY 12
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
Season premiere! Auditions begin in Boston with Simon, Randy, that other one, and Ellen.
10:00 SPIKE BLUE MOUNTAIN STATE
The misadventures of a college football team. In this episode, "Craig loses his promise ring in a stripper." Not a typo.
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 13
9:15 FOX OUR LITTLE GENIUS
Debut! "Sofia! Sofia is the capital of Bulgaria, you dumb little bastard!!"
10:00 TNT LEVERAGE
Season premiere! The gang goes after a sweatshop that employs kidnapped children. (Again, not involved.)
