THURSDAY, JANUARY 8
8:00 NBC MY NAME IS EARL
Earl tries to make up for getting his babysitter pregnant. There are worse crimes.
9:30 NBC 30 ROCK
Jack outdoes himself once again when he bangs his mom's nurse (Salma Hayek)!
FRIDAY, JANUARY 9
8:00 NBC HOWIE DO IT
Debut! A new prank reality show hosted by Howie Mandel (which is worse than any prank imaginable).
9:00 SCIFI STARGATE ATLANTIS
Series finale! The very last episode of this nerdtastic series. Give it a 100-geek salute!
SATURDAY, JANUARY 10
10:00 MTV DOUBLE SHOT AT LOVE
The bisexual twins are stunned when a contestant walks off the show, saying, "This just really grosses me out."
SUNDAY, JANUARY 11
8:00 FOX 24
Season premiere! Jack returns to America to find CTU disbanded, and a new lady president that doesn't condone torture. WTF?!
10:00 VH1 TOOL ACADEMY
Debut! Dickhole guys are sent to a relationship bootcamp by their naggy girlfriends. Ahh, love.
MONDAY, JANUARY 12
8:00 FOX 24
Formerly sexy CTU guy Tony Almeida returns with a devious plot to screw over America, but good!
10:00 MTV THE CITY
Whitney finally gets up the nerve to tell her Barry Gibb-lookalike boyfriend to stop playing with his stupid hair!
TUESDAY, JANUARY 13
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
Season premiere! Idol returns with a brand-new female judge. Will Paula wake up long enough to claw her eyes out?
9:00 CBS THE MENTALIST
A high school football star is murdered, presumably by a witch who wanted revenge because he killed her cat. Ohh-kay!
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 14
8:00 ABC LOST
Catch up before next week's season premiere with this repeat of the season four finale!
8:00 CW 13—FEAR IS REAL
The contestants are bummed when rats are found in the execution room. Umm... what good is a serial killer who can't kill rats?