THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12
8:00 CBS SURVIVOR: THE BRAZILIAN HIGHLANDS
Season premiere! Man, why can't it be the Scottish highlands so they can lop each other's heads off with swords?
9:30 NBC 30 ROCK
In this Valentine's episode, Liz tries to woo the dreamy Jon Hamm! (Back off, hag! He's MINE!!)
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 13
9:00 FOX DOLLHOUSE
Debut! Echo (Eliza Dushku) is hired to be a hostage negotiator. A sexy hostage negotiator, right? That's a good Halloween costume.
10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Titled "No Exit" (perhaps from Sartre's play?), this episode is bound to be another LAFF RIOT!!
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 14
11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
The always-hilarious Alec Baldwin hosts along with creepy teens the Jonas Brothers. Uggh!
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 15
8:00 CBS THE AMAZING RACE
Season premiere! The contestants almost get killed in Switzerland, because the country refuses to get involved. GET IT?!?
10:30 HBO EAST BOUND AND DOWN
Debut! Danny McBride (Pineapple Express, The Foot Fist Way) stars as a disgraced pitcher who returns home to teach PE!
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 16
9:00 FOX 24
Tech expert Chloe takes on geeky Janis (Janeane Garofalo) in a compu-tastic nerd-off!
9:00 NBC HEROES
Nathan is investigated by Homeland Security, and—hasn't Obama fired those guys yet?
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 17
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
Twelve contestants from the top 36 perform, and viewers are finally allowed to start voting their asses off!
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 18
8:00 HBO THE WITNESS
An Oscar-nominated documentary featuring recollections from Reverend Samuel Kyles who was with Martin Luther King Jr. when he was assassinated.
9:00 ABC LOST
Ben figures out how to get the Oceanic Six back to the island, and it involves "kicking" and "screaming."