THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 26

9:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHEN

The chefs must feed a squad of famished football players. (They may want to put on their helmets.)

9:30 NBC 30 ROCK

To the surprise of no one, Tracy Jordan's interview with Larry King plunges NYC into citywide chaos.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 27

9:00 FOX DOLLHOUSE

Echo protects a pop star—but can she stop her from shaving her hair off and attacking people with an umbrella?

10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

Helo hops in the sack with Boomer—or is that another Cylon model? (As if I'd care! Let's tap that toaster!)

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 28

9:00 SCIFI ANACONDAS: TRAIL OF BLOOD—Movie

(2009) When scientists split one gigantic mutant snake into TWO gigantic mutant snakes—what could go wrong?

SUNDAY, MARCH 1

9:00 NBC CELEBRITY APPRENTICE

Season premiere! Trump returns with a batch of half-baked celebs including Clint Black, Tom Green, and Joan Rivers!

10:30 HBO EASTBOUND & DOWN

Don't miss this heee-larious sitcom about a disgraced baseball pitcher starring Danny McBride!

MONDAY, MARCH 2

8:00 ABC THE BACHELOR

Season finale! Will Jason choose Molly or Melissa to spend the rest of his miserable life with?

10:30 MTV COLLEGE LIFE

Debut! College freshmen videotape themselves being "normal." I'm scared, too.

TUESDAY, MARCH 3

8:00 CW REAPER

Season premiere! The gang returns from their unannounced road trip to learn they've been FIRED?! Has the world gone topsy-turvy??

10:00 FX NIP/TUCK

Season finale! Christian takes extreme measures to cure his breast cancer (in a tasteful way, I'm sure).

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4

8:00 CW AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

Tyra chooses the top 13 models to live in (and eventually destroy) a beautiful NYC loft.

9:00 ABC LOST

In order to survive, the castaways must perpetuate a lie. Sawyer! Little help here, please?