THURSDAY, MAY 21

8:00 ABC UGLY BETTY

Season finale! Tonight's guest stars are Billie Jean King, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and Rachel Maddow. WOW.

8:00 FOX SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

Season premiere! It's the American Idol of jiggling floozies and men with physical Tourette's.

11:00 VH1 FREE RADIO

Season finale! Lance thinks the charity boxing event is all fun and games—until he insults Sugar Ray Leonard.

FRIDAY, MAY 22

8:30 TOON BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD

Batman re-teams up with an older Robin who now thinks his former mentor is from straight-up "Squaresville, daddy-o!"

SATURDAY, MAY 23

8:00 ANI GROOMER HAS IT

The groomers are challenged to give makeovers to pot-bellied pigs. (The winner doesn't get swine flu.)

SUNDAY, MAY 24

9:00 ABC DIAMONDS

A two-part sprawling TV movie that's like Traffic, except with diamond mining.

9:00 SHO THE TUDORS

Season finale! Henry up and decides his latest fling, Anne of Cleves, is too unattractive to keep her head.

MONDAY, MAY 25

9:00 TLC JON & KATE PLUS 8

Season premiere! The couple discusses Jon's recent infidelity, and Kate finds new ways to nag him.

10:00 A&E OBSESSED

Debut! Tonight: obsessive-compulsive disorders. (Is this why you're trying to touch my booty all the time?)

TUESDAY, MAY 26

8:00 CW REAPER

Series finale! Sam tries to win back his soul from the devil by challenging him to a game of lawn darts.

9:00 CW HITCHED OR DITCHED

Debut! Long-time couples have a week to get married or break up. (Is this why Christians are working so hard to protect straight marriages?)

WEDNESDAY, MAY 27

8:00 ABC WIPEOUT

Season premiere! Yay! Another season of ass-busting, spinal cord-severing fun!

9:00 ABC THE GOODE FAMILY

Debut! A new cartoon about an overly politically correct family. Yeah, people who are trying to save the earth are so stupid!