THURSDAY, MAY 21
8:00 ABC UGLY BETTY
Season finale! Tonight's guest stars are Billie Jean King, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and Rachel Maddow. WOW.
8:00 FOX SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE
Season premiere! It's the American Idol of jiggling floozies and men with physical Tourette's.
11:00 VH1 FREE RADIO
Season finale! Lance thinks the charity boxing event is all fun and games—until he insults Sugar Ray Leonard.
FRIDAY, MAY 22
8:30 TOON BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD
Batman re-teams up with an older Robin who now thinks his former mentor is from straight-up "Squaresville, daddy-o!"
SATURDAY, MAY 23
8:00 ANI GROOMER HAS IT
The groomers are challenged to give makeovers to pot-bellied pigs. (The winner doesn't get swine flu.)
SUNDAY, MAY 24
9:00 ABC DIAMONDS
A two-part sprawling TV movie that's like Traffic, except with diamond mining.
9:00 SHO THE TUDORS
Season finale! Henry up and decides his latest fling, Anne of Cleves, is too unattractive to keep her head.
MONDAY, MAY 25
9:00 TLC JON & KATE PLUS 8
Season premiere! The couple discusses Jon's recent infidelity, and Kate finds new ways to nag him.
10:00 A&E OBSESSED
Debut! Tonight: obsessive-compulsive disorders. (Is this why you're trying to touch my booty all the time?)
TUESDAY, MAY 26
8:00 CW REAPER
Series finale! Sam tries to win back his soul from the devil by challenging him to a game of lawn darts.
9:00 CW HITCHED OR DITCHED
Debut! Long-time couples have a week to get married or break up. (Is this why Christians are working so hard to protect straight marriages?)
WEDNESDAY, MAY 27
8:00 ABC WIPEOUT
Season premiere! Yay! Another season of ass-busting, spinal cord-severing fun!
9:00 ABC THE GOODE FAMILY
Debut! A new cartoon about an overly politically correct family. Yeah, people who are trying to save the earth are so stupid!