THURSDAY, JULY 23

8:30 ABC SAMANTHA WHO?

Series finale! The final battle between Sam's good and bad side takes place at (ulp!) Andrea's wedding!

10:00 BRAVO THE FASHION SHOW

Season finale! The final three designers face off to see... wait. This isn't Project Runway, is it? Never mind.

FRIDAY, JULY 24

11:00 COM FUNNY PEOPLE: LIVE

Funny director Judd Apatow (Knocked Up, Freaks and Geeks) hosts this show of funny comedians. So it should be, you know, funny.

SATURDAY, JULY 25

8:00 NBC KINGS

Series finale! Sorry Kings, but things just aren't working out. Hey, it's me... not you.

9:00 SYFY MALIBU SHARK ATTACK—Movie

(2009) A tsunami brings a gaggle of killer goblin sharks to the Malibu shore. Wait... HAUNTED sharks?!

SUNDAY, JULY 26

9:00 NBC THE STORM—Movie

(2009) Treat Williams is a mad scientist who effs up the weather. Luckily James Van Der Beek (from Dawson's Crack) is on hand to save the day!

10:00 FOOD EXTREME CUISINE WITH JEFF CORWIN

Jeff experiments with "extreme" food such as "head tacos." That sounds "extremely" dirty.

MONDAY, JULY 27

8:00 ABC THE BACHELORETTE

Season finale! Jillian is forced to choose between two bachelors. Choose the one who doesn't mind that you're unattractive!

9:00 HBO THE YES MEN FIX THE WORLD

Activists/pranksters "The Yes Men" sneak into corporate board meetings and wreak havoc with hilarious results!

TUESDAY, JULY 28

9:00 FOX MORE TO LOVE

Debut! The plus-sized bachelor gives the bachelorettes their first challenge: a Choco Taco-eating contest.

10:00 FX RESCUE ME

A mob of lesbians "ruins" a party at Mike's bar. In my experience, lesbians rarely ruin anything.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 29

8:00 FOX SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

The final six perform and try to ignore the fact that these judges are FREAKING INSANE.

10:30 COM MICHAEL AND MICHAEL HAVE ISSUES

The Michaels try to set Maria up on a date, with disastrous (read: STD) results.