THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 10
8:00 CW THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Debut! Elena's relationship with her new vampire b-friend is put to the test during "that time of the month."
9:00 CW SUPERNATURAL
Season premiere! Sam and Dean's summer vacation is ruined when Lucifer decides to pay a visit.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11
9:00 USA MONK
Monk gets grilled on the stand by pee-hole lawyer (and very funny guy) Jay Mohr.
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12
8:00 NGC AMERICAN BEAVER
Sorry, porn lovers! This show is about actual beavers.
9:00 BBCA ROBIN HOOD
Season premiere! Robin vows to stick an arrow in the ass of the man who killed Maid Marian.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13
9:00 MTV 2009 MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS
I thought music videos went out with the Victrola. But have fun, grandpa!
9:00 HBO TRUE BLOOD
Season finale! You give Sookie one thing to do (get stabbed in a sacrifice ceremony) and she screws it up!
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 14
8:00 CW ONE TREE HILL
Season premiere! This show needs a vampire.
9:00 CW GOSSIP GIRL
Season premiere! This show needs a vampire.
10:00 NBC THE JAY LENO SHOW
Debut! This show needs one less vampire.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 15
9:00 CW MELROSE PLACE
Lauren discovers a new way to make rent: prostitution! (Did I say "new"? I meant "old.")
9:00 ABC SHAQ VS.
Season finale! Shaq takes on Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps... in bong huffing, I presume?
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16
9:00 FOX GLEE
When Will neglects the glee club, the kids hire a hot-poop choreographer to coach them.
9:00 CW THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE
Debut! Mischa Barton (The O.C.) stars in this dishy new soap about models in NYC! All together now: "EAT A SANDWICH!"
