THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 17

8:30 NBC PARKS AND RECREATION

Season premiere! Leslie causes controversy when she weds two gay penguins at the zoo.

9:00 NBC THE OFFICE

Season premiere! The Dunder-Mifflin gang spreads malicious (read: hilarious) rumors about the summer interns.

10:00 FX IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA

Season premiere! Frank, Mac, and Dennis make money the old-fashioned way—exploiting home foreclosures.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18

10:00 E! TALK SOUP

Joel McHale humiliates a new crop of celebs, immediately followed by a repeat of his new show Community!

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 19

11:00 FOX TALKSHOW WITH SPIKE FERESTEN

Check out this late-night gabfest whose desperation is occasionally hee-larious!

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 20

9:00 HBO CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

Season premiere! Since Larry refuses to be happy for very long, he's already reconsidering his relationship with Loretta.

10:00 AMC MAD MEN

A surprise visitor shows up at Sterling Cooper. (Is it Don's dead brother? His dead father-in-law? It's gotta be a dead somebody!)

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 21

8:00 ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS

Season premiere! This season Cheryl is paired up with disgraced a-hole Republican Tom DeLay! POOR CHERYL! (Hee-hee-hee....)

8:00 NBC HEROES

Season premiere! Freshman Claire gets unwanted attention at college—and no, it's not because of the "kegger incident."

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22

10:00 ABC THE FORGOTTEN

Debut! Christian Slater sets himself up for failure again with this ridiculous-sounding show about amateur CSI-style sleuths.

10:00 CBS THE GOOD WIFE

Debut! Julianna Margulies (E.R.) sets herself up for failure again with this depressing show about a humiliated single lawyer.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23

8:00 NBC MERCY

Debut! A new hospital drama that focuses on nurses who CARE, dammit!! (They also have a lot of sex, too... because they CARE, dammit!!)

10:00 ABC EASTWICK

Debut! A remake of The Witches of Eastwick starring the surgically enhanced Rebecca Romijn.