THURSDAY, JUNE 28
10:00 BRAVO HEY PAULA
Debut! Finally! A reality show about the star of a reality show!
10:00 USA BURN NOTICE
Debut! A former spy (Jeffrey Donovan) gets the boot, and starts a private eye agency with... Bruce Campbell? Whoo-whoo!
FRIDAY, JUNE 29
8:00 VH1 THE 40 GREATEST INTERNET SUPERSTARS
A celebration of the internet's YouTubiest stars, including the tubby kid swinging a light saber!
SATURDAY, JUNE 30
8:00 SPIKE WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK III
Even MORE lions, bears, and angry alligators taking revenge on the hindquarters of humans.
8:00 VH1 BRITAIN'S NEXT TOP MODEL
Just like the American version, except... what's up with their teeth?!
SUNDAY, JULY 1
8:00 NBC CONCERT FOR DIANA
C'mon... can you really tell me Princess Diana would've approved of Fergie?
10:30 E! SUNSET TAN
Season finale! Don't miss the last episode of this wacked-out show about the leathery occupants of a tanning salon!
MONDAY, JULY 2
8:00 DSC DEADLIEST CATCH MARATHON
Three hours of the scariest reality show around, all about Alaskan ice fishing! Plus an hour of behind-the-scenes action at 10 pm!
9:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHEN
The remaining chefs must provide the food for a wedding reception (making this the worst day of someone's life since my first wife married me).
TUESDAY, JULY 3
9:00 CW VERONICA MARS
Patricia Hearst—who was kidnapped in real life by the SLA in 1974—plays a kidnap victim in this terrific Veronica Mars repeat! Oooh... META.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 4
8:00 FOX DRIVE
Series finale! This poor show starring Firefly's Nathan Fillian gets a final crappy send-off on the Fourth of July. So... where's the fireworks?
9:00 NBC MACY'S FIREWORKS SPECTACULAR
Macy's uses fireworks to announce their annual linen sale (oh, and to celebrate our founding fathers). George Washington would be proud.