THURSDAY, JUNE 28

10:00 BRAVO HEY PAULA

Debut! Finally! A reality show about the star of a reality show!

10:00 USA BURN NOTICE

Debut! A former spy (Jeffrey Donovan) gets the boot, and starts a private eye agency with... Bruce Campbell? Whoo-whoo!

FRIDAY, JUNE 29

8:00 VH1 THE 40 GREATEST INTERNET SUPERSTARS

A celebration of the internet's YouTubiest stars, including the tubby kid swinging a light saber!

SATURDAY, JUNE 30

8:00 SPIKE WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK III

Even MORE lions, bears, and angry alligators taking revenge on the hindquarters of humans.

8:00 VH1 BRITAIN'S NEXT TOP MODEL

Just like the American version, except... what's up with their teeth?!

SUNDAY, JULY 1

8:00 NBC CONCERT FOR DIANA

C'mon... can you really tell me Princess Diana would've approved of Fergie?

10:30 E! SUNSET TAN

Season finale! Don't miss the last episode of this wacked-out show about the leathery occupants of a tanning salon!

MONDAY, JULY 2

8:00 DSC DEADLIEST CATCH MARATHON

Three hours of the scariest reality show around, all about Alaskan ice fishing! Plus an hour of behind-the-scenes action at 10 pm!

9:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHEN

The remaining chefs must provide the food for a wedding reception (making this the worst day of someone's life since my first wife married me).

TUESDAY, JULY 3

9:00 CW VERONICA MARS

Patricia Hearst—who was kidnapped in real life by the SLA in 1974—plays a kidnap victim in this terrific Veronica Mars repeat! Oooh... META.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 4

8:00 FOX DRIVE

Series finale! This poor show starring Firefly's Nathan Fillian gets a final crappy send-off on the Fourth of July. So... where's the fireworks?

9:00 NBC MACY'S FIREWORKS SPECTACULAR

Macy's uses fireworks to announce their annual linen sale (oh, and to celebrate our founding fathers). George Washington would be proud.