8:00 ABC NATIONAL SPELLING BEE
Adorable nerds from around the country compete to spell "disenstablish...", "desinstab...." Oh, forget it.
8:00 NBC THE OFFICE MINI-MARATHON
Four awesome episodes of this very funny series starring Steve Carrell.
8:00 FOX LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER—Movie
(2001)Angelina Jolie stars as the videogame hottie, who must accomplish two things: save the world, and augment her breasts.
8:00 SPIKE CARPOCALYPSE
Season Premiere! A surprisingly sweet and fun reality show about actual demolition derby drivers.
8:30 FOX COPS
The cops are called to a fast-food restaurant when a shirtless, inebriated man doesn't get it "his way."
9:00 HBO THE SOPRANOS
Season Finale! What?? Already? When's the next season debut—in 2047?
9:00 CBS OCEAN'S ELEVEN—Movie
(2001) George Clooney and crew knock over Vegas in this fun caper flick.
8:00 NBC DEAL OR NO DEAL
Hosted by Howie Mandel, and this week guest starring Celine Dion? If you want me to kill myself, just say so!
9:30 NBC THE APPRENTICE
Season Finale! Apparently this lame-ass show is having its season finale tonight. Zzzzzzz...
9:00 BRAVO KATHY GRIFFIN: MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST
Season Premiere! Gossip-lovin' Kathy Griffin is back to once again reveal why she's the most hated comedian in Hollywood.
10:00 OXY THE JANICE DICKINSON MODELING AGENCY
Debut! America's weirdest model teaches up-and-comers how to break into the business!
10:30 COM DOG BITES MAN
Debut! An improv group tricks real people into thinking they are an actual investigative news team.
10:30 MTV CHEYENNE
Another reality show about another 16-year-old trying to break into the music business. God, MAKE IT STOP!!