8:00 ABC UGLY BETTY
If you missed it, here's the pilot episode of the show that made America fall in love with ugly.
9:00 NBC THE OFFICE
In this hilarious Office repeat, Dunder-Mifflin goes into "crisis mode" when a pornographic watermark shows up on their paper products.
8:00 NBC MISS TEEN USA
What parent doesn't want to see their daughters strutting around like prostitutes?
11:00 HBO REAL TIME WITH BILL
Season premiere! Smartass maestro Bill Maher returns with more funny/serious political discussion.
9:00 BBCA JEKYLL
Season finale! Tom realizes he can no longer control his Victorian naughty alter ego, the horny Hyde!
8:00 FOX TEEN CHOICE
Purportedly a ceremony honoring things teens love—but they really don't give a crap about anything except masturbation and High School Musical.
9:00 HBO BIG LOVE
Season finale! This slam-bang show about polygamy has really heated up this season, so check it out!
10:30 MTV LIFE OF RYAN
Debut! A new reality show about wealthy 17-year-old skateboard phenom Ryan Sheckler... who just wants a normal life. Oh, BOO-HOO-FAWKIN'-HOO!
9:00 CBS BIG BROTHER
The only reality show where bikinis, sex, and anti-Semitism go hand in hand.
10:00 MTV ROOM 401
Season finale! It's like a scary version of Punk'd—except the victims are embarrassed AND have poop in their pants.
8:00 FOX ANCHORWOMAN
Sexy former model Lauren learns how to read the teleprompter, and how to really piss off her co-anchor.
SCIFI MIND CONTROL WITH DERREN
Season finale! Brown continues to freak out onlookers, this time by making the sun disappear. That's just rude.