THURSDAY, AUGUST 30

10:00 AMC MAD MEN

Pete makes a desperate grab at Don's job in this awesome series set in 1960s Madison Avenue.

10:00 BRAVO

WELCOME TO THE PARKER

Season finale! Demanding clientele crush the hotel, while the staff tries to hold it together.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 31

11:00 HBO REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER

The best and funniest place on TV to get your weekly dose of Bush bashing.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 1

9:00 FOX AMERICA'S MOST WANTED

Season finale! It's the 20th season-ending episode. Twenty seasons? Haven't they caught those crooks yet??

9:00 REAL SOLITARY

Contestants are kept in solitary confinement, with no human interaction, until they all go buggy and quit! Nope, no sadism here.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 2

7:00 FOX FALL PREVIEW SPECIAL

The Fox network gives us a sneaky peek at their new fall schedule... which is pretty much round-the-clock episodes of House.

10:00 HBO ENTOURAGE

Season finale! The episode where I hope Vince and the gang die in a plane crash, and Ari gets his own show.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 3

9:00 VH1 THE PICKUP ARTIST

The king of the douchebags shares more of his tips on how to pick up drunken bar sluts. Tip #1: Wear a fuzzy Jamiroquai hat.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4

9:00 MYNET

JAIL

Debut! It's what happens after Cops, in which shirtless criminals get a real taste of the slammer.

10:00 BRAVO FLIPPING OUT

Season finale! A real estate speculator (AKA "house flipper") with OCD barely holds onto his sanity while renovating properties.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5

10:00 ABC NASCAR IN PRIMETIME

In this behind-the-scenes peek at NASCAR, ABC examines how hillbillies are hypnotized by cars racing around a track, and are then persuaded to vote for Bush.

11:00 BRAVO

TIM GUNN'S GUIDE TO STYLE

Debut! Project Runway's fashion guru puts his "Queer Eye" on gals with style problems.