8:00 CW SMALLVILLE
Lana absorbs Clark's powers. Watch out, Clark! Next she'll absorb your credit cards! (Trust me.)
9:00 NBC THE OFFICE
After being excluded by Ryan from the company wilderness retreat, Michael goes Rambo!
8:00 TBS THE WIZARD OF
(1939) A Kansas girl is accused of murder, and pursued by flying monkeys.
9:00 SCIFI BATS: HUMAN
(2007) Commandos battle deadly, genetically engineered bats while trying not to scream, "EEE! They're in my HAIR!!"
10:00 A&E BON JOVI
Bon Jovi performs his new and classic hits. (Is it just me, or does he look like he has Saran Wrap on his face?)
9:00 FOX FAMILY GUY
After Stewie killed his mother last week, Lois returns the favor.
10:00 HBO CURB YOUR
Season finale! Larry recants for his life of misanthropy by accepting Christ as his savior. PSYCHE!
8:00 ABC DANCING WITH THE
Naturally, I never watch this show... but America, how could you vote off the Cheetah girl?!
8:00 NBC CHUCK
Reluctant spy Chuck finally meets a girl who likes "the real him," and it's... The O.C.'s Rachel Bilson?? EEEEE!
9:00 CW REAPER
Sam realizes the Devil is setting him up to take the rap for a murder. Weird. That doesn't sound like the Devil at all.
9:00 FOX HOUSE
A documentary film crew follows House and his team around. Prepare for some awkward footage, guys.
10:00 BRAVO PROJECT RUNWAY
Season premiere! Fashion designers compete for Heidi Klum's love. Make it work, people!
12:30 am COM KENNY VS.
The competitors go highbrow with a contest called, "Who Can Blow the Biggest Fart?"