8:30 NBC 30 ROCK
Jack's gay nemesis returns—and this time he wants to marry the boss' daughter! (Huh?)
10:00 AMC MAD MEN
Writers' strike getting you down? Check in with the best show of 2007, Mad Men!
8:00 FAM THE KARATE KID—Movie
(1984) An insecure teen takes karate lessons and learns there's only one way to win: "Sweep the leg, Johnny!"
8:00 CBS GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD
(2005) David Strathairn is great in this flick about newsman Edward R. Murrow taking on Senator McCarthy.
8:00 ABC SAMANTHA WHO?
Catch up with a four-episode mini-marathon of this generally funny sitcom (or go out and get drunk, which is what I plan on doing).
8:00 ABC THE SOUND OF MUSIC—Movie
(1965) An Austrian nanny outwits the Nazis by singing. Jeez! No wonder they lost the war.
10:30 E! SNOOP DOGG'S FATHER HOOD
Snoop is ordered to explain the "birds and the bees" to the kids, which will surely include the "Tanqueray" and the "ho's."
8:00 AMC PLANET OF THE APES—Movie
(1968) Ring in the new year with a bunch of damn dirty apes. (I'm telling you, this talking ape thing is going to happen this year!)
10:00 ABC DICK CLARK'S NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE
I am sorry, but there is NO WAY Dick Clark is still alive! He's a zombie, I'm telling you!!
8:00 am VH1 AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
Eighteen episodes of this hilarious show! Resolve to get FIERCE in 2008!
2:00 ABC ROSE BOWL GAME
Oh god, am I hungover... can you closeted meatheads play your stupid game a little more quietly?!
8:00 CW CROWNED
I don't care what anybody says, this is the most hilarious show currently on television! (I recognize the competition isn't stiff.)
9:00 ABC SUPERNANNY
Season premiere! "Supernanny" Jo returns to regain control over two rotten kids. Hey, there's always the orphanage!