8:00 CW SMALLVILLE
Lex learns a secret that could endanger his attempts at hair implantation.
NBC THE OFFICE
A model in an office-supply catalog makes Michael "feel things." Let's just leave it at that.
8:30 SCIFI DOCTOR WHO
Season premiere! The Doctor attempts to save the lives of an orbiting cruise ship (yay!) called the Titanic (ohhh...).
10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR
A major character is supposed to die in this episode. (Please let it be drippy Cally!)
ANI GROOMER HAS IT
The dog groomers compete in a "quick sniff" challenge. Sorry, but sniffing a dog's bottom cannot be quick enough.
VH1 CELEBRITY FIT CLUB
If you're the type of person who doesn't mind watching celebs swirl down the toilet—don't miss this show!
HBO JOHN ADAMS
Series finale! Let me guess... he dies, right?
8:00 CW GOSSIP GIRL
Return! Blair shamefully returns to school after being dethroned as "Queen Bee." This never happened to Hitler.
10:00 MTV THE HILLS
As teen dramas go, it's no Third Reich.
9:00 CW REAPER
Sam's gay neighbors are actually demons who are planning to destroy him—with their quick rapier-like wit!
FOX HELL'S KITCHEN
Tonight's episode includes a pasta challenge, and more importantly, another contestant goes to the hospital!
8:00 CW AMERICA'S NEXT TOP
The models are thrilled to go to Italy, until they learn that Italians generally don't speak English.
COM LEWIS BLACK'S ROOT OF ALL
On this court parody show, comedians debate who is more evil: Kim Jong-il or Tila Tequila.