This Week on Television 

THURSDAY, MAY 29

9:00 ABC LOST

Season finale! In which I'm 100 percent sure that every single one of your questions will be fully answered.

10:30 COM RENO 911!

The deputies are assigned to train a squad of policeman from Baghdad—but really. What could go wrong?

FRIDAY, MAY 30

8:00 ABC 2008 NATIONAL SPELLING BEE

It's the most nail-biting competition on TV, featuring kids who are 30 times smarter than you.

10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

President Roslin is kidnapped by the Cylon hybrid. (How many mpg's do those hybrids get, anyway?

SATURDAY, MAY 31

9:00 SCIFI HEATSTROKE—Movie

(2008) Commandos must stop an alien race from turning the earth into s'mores. Starring Danica "Winnie from The Wonder Years" McKellar!

SUNDAY, JUNE 1

8:00 MTV 2008 MTV MOVIE AWARDS

Mike Myers hosts this annual tribute to cinematic excellence and poop jokes.

9:00 WE BRIDEZILLAS

Season premiere! The world's most psychotic brides are back, and— YOU CALL THAT A FLOWER ARRANGEMENT?!

MONDAY, JUNE 2

10:00 ABC THE MOLE

Season premiere! Contestants compete in games of intrigue while one of them tries to eff everything up.

10:00 MTV LEGALLY BLONDE: THE MUSICAL

Debut! For reasons unknown, there's a Legally Blonde musical, and even worse, there's a reality show where they try to cast it.

TUESDAY, JUNE 3

9:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHEN

In a shocking turn of events, the chefs have trouble making edible food and serving their customers.

10:00 FX 30 DAYS

Season premiere! Indie director Morgan Spurlock spends 30 days working in a coalmine. (AND only eating food from McDonalds?)

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4

10:00 SPIKE THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER

This show is like The Real World—if the kids beat the crap out of each other. (In other words, it's better.)

10:00 TVLAND SHE'S GOT THE LOOK

Finally, a beauty contest for the older ladies. Cute MILF alert!

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