10:00 ABC HOPKINS 24/7
Season premiere! Behind the scenes at Johns Hopkins Hospital. (It's like Grey's Anatomy, except no sex and they practice medicine).
10:00 NBC FEAR ITSELF
A bride learns she's about to be murdered at her wedding. That's one way for the groom to get out of it.
8:00 ABC DANCE MACHINE
Debut! If it's called Dance Machine, why doesn't it feature dance-offs between robots?
9:00 ANI GROOMER HAS IT
Season finale! The final two groomers compete in a winner-takes-all dog show.
9:00 COM HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE
(2004) It's the same old story: Boys meet dope, boys smoke dope, boys look for hamburger.
8:00 NBC U.S. OLYMPIC SWIMMING
The only time it's actually patriotic to lust after men in Speedos.
10:00 SPIKE FACTORY
Debut! A new comedy from the co-creator of Strangers with Candy about four extremely lazy factory workers.
9:00 ABC THE BACHELORETTE
The men return to reveal their innermost emotions, which consists of, "Uhh... I dunno... got a beer?"
10:00 E! THE SOUP PRESENTS
Hilarious clip show The Soup presents this searing investigative report on drunk reality show stars.
8:00 FAM THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN
Debut! A new high school drama starring Molly Ringwald? YES! (Oh, wait... she's playing a parent.)
9:00 ABC I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAME SHOW
The ladies begin to reconsider entering the contest after being asked to climb a slippery pole in a miniskirt.
8:00 NBC BABY BORROWERS
If the teen couples have to take care of real babies, why can't they have real sex?
10:00 COM SOUTH PARK
In this hilarious repeat, the kids use Guitar Hero to drive their hippie parents insane.