THURSDAY, AUGUST 7

8:00 NBC LAST COMIC STANDING

Season finale! Who's the funniest person in America? I kind of doubt we'll find out tonight.

10:30 COM REALITY BITES BACK

The contestants dress up as illegal immigrants to play a game of "Almost American Gladiators." Oh, my.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 8

8:00 NBC SUMMER OLYMPICS

Opening ceremony! Watch the Chinese light off a poop-ton of fireworks, and... hey, is that protester on fire?

SATURDAY, AUGUST 9

9:00 SCIFI MONSTER ARK—Movie(2008)

An archaeologist discovers Noah's Ark—and it has monsters on it! Oh, no! The Bible lied again!

9:00 BBCA PRIMEVAL

Debut! Scientists investigate a dinosaur sighting, and... nope. It was just Lindsay Lohan.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 10

10:00 AMC MAD MEN

When Don invites an important client home for dinner, his magical mother-in-law conjures up trouble! (Wait... that's Bewitched.)

10:30 PBS P.O.V.

Music fans will want to check out this rare 1969 documentary called Johnny Cash: The Man, His World, His Music.

MONDAY, AUGUST 11

8:00 NBC SUMMER OLYMPICS

Gymnastics, swimming, diving, beach volleyball—all sports that would be more interesting if performed nude.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 12

8:00 ABC WIPEOUT

The hosts celebrate the most painful wipeouts with a special awards show called "The Wipeys."

8:00 FAM THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER

Check out the teen show that's actually more popular than Gossip Girl AND features Molly Ringwald!

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13

9:00 BRAVO PROJECT RUNWAY

Brooke Shields is the guest judge when the designers design for "working women." (Not prostitutes.)

10:30 COM LEWIS BLACK'S ROOT OF ALL EVIL

Comedians debate which is more evil: the NRA or PETA? This is gonna be a good one!