THURSDAY, AUGUST 7
8:00 NBC LAST COMIC STANDING
Season finale! Who's the funniest person in America? I kind of doubt we'll find out tonight.
10:30 COM REALITY BITES BACK
The contestants dress up as illegal immigrants to play a game of "Almost American Gladiators." Oh, my.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 8
8:00 NBC SUMMER OLYMPICS
Opening ceremony! Watch the Chinese light off a poop-ton of fireworks, and... hey, is that protester on fire?
SATURDAY, AUGUST 9
9:00 SCIFI MONSTER ARK—Movie(2008)
An archaeologist discovers Noah's Ark—and it has monsters on it! Oh, no! The Bible lied again!
9:00 BBCA PRIMEVAL
Debut! Scientists investigate a dinosaur sighting, and... nope. It was just Lindsay Lohan.
SUNDAY, AUGUST 10
10:00 AMC MAD MEN
When Don invites an important client home for dinner, his magical mother-in-law conjures up trouble! (Wait... that's Bewitched.)
10:30 PBS P.O.V.
Music fans will want to check out this rare 1969 documentary called Johnny Cash: The Man, His World, His Music.
MONDAY, AUGUST 11
8:00 NBC SUMMER OLYMPICS
Gymnastics, swimming, diving, beach volleyball—all sports that would be more interesting if performed nude.
TUESDAY, AUGUST 12
8:00 ABC WIPEOUT
The hosts celebrate the most painful wipeouts with a special awards show called "The Wipeys."
8:00 FAM THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER
Check out the teen show that's actually more popular than Gossip Girl AND features Molly Ringwald!
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13
9:00 BRAVO PROJECT RUNWAY
Brooke Shields is the guest judge when the designers design for "working women." (Not prostitutes.)
10:30 COM LEWIS BLACK'S ROOT OF ALL EVIL
Comedians debate which is more evil: the NRA or PETA? This is gonna be a good one!