THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4

8:00 FOX KITCHEN NIGHTMARES

Season premiere! Chef Ramsay returns to some struggling restaurants just to give them one final kick in the ribs.

10:30 COM REALITY BITES BACK

Season finale! In their last chance to parody as many reality shows as possible, the contestants compete in "American Surv-Idoler's Kitchen."

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 5

8:00 FAM SAMURAI GIRL

Debut! A Tokyo girl is sent to San Fran for an arranged marriage, meets deadly ninjas, and kicks their asses. Sounds good to me!

9:00 CBS CBS FALL PREVIEW

The grandpa network introduces their new fall season, including Matlock: The Next Generation.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 6

9:00 BBCA PRIMEVAL

The team's golf game is ruined by an angry pterodactyl. (Oh, if I had a nickel for every time that happened to me.)

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7

10:00 HBO ENTOURAGE

Season premiere! Turns out the reviews for Vince's Medellin aren't so good. (Somebody lock up the gun cabinet.)

10:00 AMC MAD MEN

Don decides a hot new set of wheels is just the thing for his mid-life crisis.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 8

8:00 FOX TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES

Season premiere! An exploding jeep (and a killer cyborg) puts a damper on Sarah and John's day.

11:30 HBO LITTLE BRITAIN

Debut! It's the Americanized version of this hilarious sketch comedy import from... well, Britain! Duh!

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9

8:00 ABC WIPEOUT

It's two straight hours of hilarious nut-shots, cerebral hemorrhage, and severed spinal cords.

8:00 CW 90210

The family's bowling night is ruined by the druggie, the cool kid, and the teen whore.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10

8:00 CW AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

The hilarious Benny Ninja returns to give the models a how-to on vogue-ing!

9:30 FOX DO NOT DISTURB

Debut! The reputation of a hip New York hotel is threatened when the employees can't stop porking each other.