9:00 NBC THE OFFICE
Michael tells Holly he will pretend not to have a heart-breaking crush on her for Jan's benefit. Good plan!
10:30 COM THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM
Sarah decides to trade in her old stupid, poopy friends for new smart, less poopy ones.
8:00 NBC CRUSOE
Debut! Adventurer Robinson Crusoe finds more adventure than he can handle on a deserted island with a gay slave.
10:00 STZ CRASH
Debut! Dennis Hopper stars in this series based on the movie about intersecting lives in Los Angeles.
8:00 CMT HULK HOGAN'S CELEBRITY CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING
Debut! My money is on Willis smashing Screech's face in.
8:00 FOX THE SIMPSONS
After Bart loses a winning $50,000 lottery ticket, Homer is less than pleased.
10:00 AMC MAD MEN
Joan introduces her fiancé around the office, which unsurprisingly sends morale plummeting.
8:00 CW GOSSIP GIRL
Vanessa blackmails Blair which leads Blair to ask Chuck to seduce Vanessa... wait. Which one of the androgynous guys is Chuck?
10:00 NBC MY OWN WORST ENEMY
After learning that he's actually a spy, Henry tries to recall whether he's ever done it with hot spy chicks.
10:00 ANI LIVING WITH THE WOLFMAN
Debut! A scientist who lives with wolves introduces his new wife to the pack. Ass-biting hilarity ensues!
10:00 A&E ROOKIES
Debut! Police academy grads are followed for their first days on the streets. Tonight: How to use a Taser on a shirtless drunken guy.
5:00 FOX WORLD SERIES
It's game one of the World Series—and is it okay if we also have a "pretend" world series so the Cubs can play?
9:00 CW STYLISTA
Debut! A new reality show knock-off of The Devil Wears Prada where editorial fashion assistants are grossly humiliated!