THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16

9:00 NBC THE OFFICE

Michael tells Holly he will pretend not to have a heart-breaking crush on her for Jan's benefit. Good plan!

10:30 COM THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM

Sarah decides to trade in her old stupid, poopy friends for new smart, less poopy ones.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 17

8:00 NBC CRUSOE

Debut! Adventurer Robinson Crusoe finds more adventure than he can handle on a deserted island with a gay slave.

10:00 STZ CRASH

Debut! Dennis Hopper stars in this series based on the movie about intersecting lives in Los Angeles.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 18

8:00 CMT HULK HOGAN'S CELEBRITY CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING

Debut! My money is on Willis smashing Screech's face in.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 19

8:00 FOX THE SIMPSONS

After Bart loses a winning $50,000 lottery ticket, Homer is less than pleased.

10:00 AMC MAD MEN

Joan introduces her fiancé around the office, which unsurprisingly sends morale plummeting.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 20

8:00 CW GOSSIP GIRL

Vanessa blackmails Blair which leads Blair to ask Chuck to seduce Vanessa... wait. Which one of the androgynous guys is Chuck?

10:00 NBC MY OWN WORST ENEMY

After learning that he's actually a spy, Henry tries to recall whether he's ever done it with hot spy chicks.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 21

10:00 ANI LIVING WITH THE WOLFMAN

Debut! A scientist who lives with wolves introduces his new wife to the pack. Ass-biting hilarity ensues!

10:00 A&E ROOKIES

Debut! Police academy grads are followed for their first days on the streets. Tonight: How to use a Taser on a shirtless drunken guy.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 22

5:00 FOX WORLD SERIES

It's game one of the World Series—and is it okay if we also have a "pretend" world series so the Cubs can play?

9:00 CW STYLISTA

Debut! A new reality show knock-off of The Devil Wears Prada where editorial fashion assistants are grossly humiliated!