THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18
9:00 NBC THE OFFICE
In this funny repeat, Michael and Holly totally "do it" in the office. And by "it" I mean "sex."
11:30 FX TESTEES
Season finale! The boys undergo their most dangerous scientific guinea pig test yet: truth serum!
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19
9:00 ANI WHALE WARS
Season finale! After attacking a Japanese whaling ship, Watson feigns injury to get media attention. Wow. I really don't like these guys.
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 20
8:00 TLC CRAZY CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
A tour of the most insane X-mas light displays. People! It's NOT a competition!
9:00 NBC WWE TRIBUTE TO THE TROOPS
Vince McMahon's fake fighters visit actual fighters in Iraq. Please note the irony.
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 21
8:30 TOON HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS
The Grinch steals Christmas from the Whos—who I'm pretty sure don't believe in Jesus, anyway.
9:00 VH1 ROCK OF LOVE CHARM SCHOOL
Season finale! The final three douchebaguettes compete to see who is the least skankiest.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 22
10:00 E! THE SOUP PRESENTS
A hilarious roundup of the most annoying events and people in 2008! (Madonna, we're staring straight at you.)
10:00 MTV THE HILLS
Season finale! Heidi runs into Lauren! Spencer's mother-in-law visits! Audrina's donkey teeth threaten to move out of her mouth!
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 23
10:00 MTV DOUBLE SHOT AT LOVE
The bisexual Ikki Twins host the show's first ever "bi"-athalon. Ugh. I caught the crabs just writing that.
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 24
8:00 NBC IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE—Movie
(1946) A man realizes the world was a better place because he was born. (Not the George Bush story.)
8:00 TBS A CHRISTMAS STORY MARATHON—Movie
Twenty-four straight hours of Ralphie shooting his eye out with a BB gun!