8:00 MTV SCARED STRAIGHT

A group of smart-mouth teens are given a tour of prison and get a taste of the bitch life.

10:00 ANI AMAZING ANIMAL VIDEOS

This episode features a chimp who knows karate. See? What did I tell you?!? Planet of the Apes is just around the corner!!

Friday, April 12

9:00 TBS TEEN WOLF--Movie

(1985) Michael J. Fox as hormone-driven werewolf who saves the big basketball game and bones the cheerleader.

8:00 MTV THE OSBOURNES

Ozzy becomes the "pot who called the kettle black" when he gives a lecture on drugs to Jack and Kelly.

Saturday, April 13

9:00 AMC THE THING WITH TWO HEADS--Movie

(1972) Insert the penis joke of your preference here.

Sunday, April 14

9:00 ABC ALIAS

Sydney dips her pen in company ink when she takes a ride on the wild baloney pony with her SD-6 recruiter.

10:00 INTL REBORN FROM HELL: SAMURAI ARMAGGEDON--Movie

(1996) Sword-swingin' samurais open up a can of chop-socky whup-ass on evil shambling zombies!

Monday, April 15

9:00 WB ANGEL

Angel swears blood-suckin' revenge when Wesley takes off with his baby!

10:00 ABC ONCE AND AGAIN

Series Finale! After a quick cancellation from the network, Rick and Lilly are forced to tie up loose storylines in an unbelievable and rushed manner.

Tuesday, April 16

9:00 FOX 24

Dennis Hopper co-stars as a criminal mastermind (surprise!) who bears a deadly grudge against Jack.

10:00 FX THE SHIELD

Vic goes unnecessarily psycho (hoo-rah!) after discovering a child prostitution ring.

Wednesday, April 17

8:00 USA ULTIMATE FIGHTS

Finally! A show that gets rid of plot, storyline, and characters and just focuses on the fight scenes!

9:00 ABC THE JOB

McNeil suspects that Frank might be gay in this episode appropriately titled, "Gay."