Thursday, July 11
8:00 ABC STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT
Picard and crew pull out the big guns after learning the Borg intends on assimilating all of Earth's hot chicks.
9:00 FOX THE PULSE
Debut! A weekly newsmagazine starring Geraldo Rivera and Bill O'Reilly (or in other words, another junior varsity rip-off of 60 Minutes).
Friday, July 12
8:00 FOX INVASION OF THE HIDDEN CAMERAS
Debut! Another hidden camera prank show. Hey! How about a hidden camera prank show about hidden cameras secretly taping a hidden camera prank show??
9:00 USA MONK
Debut! The brilliant Tony Shalhoub stars as a detective who fights crime and a myriad of obsessive-compulsive disorders.
Saturday, July 13
8:00 ESPN2 RUNNING OF THE BULLS
One of the only shows where you can see a throng of drunken frat boys being gored or trampled to death.
9:00 SCI-FI NICK FURY: AGENT OF S.H.I.E.L.D.
David Hasselhoff (woo-hoo!) stars as the cigar-chompin' one-eyed secret agent in this hilariously woeful TV movie.
Sunday, July 14
7:00 FOX JERRY MAGUIRE--Movie(1996)
Cuba Gooding, Jr. implores Tom Cruise to "show him the money" and happily, Cruise complies. (That is, until Cuba makes Snow Dogs.)
9:00 DSC DEADLY DENTIST
In this creepy documentary, a dentist makes his patients fall over dead--and that's just from his bill! HA! Ah-HA! HA! HA! HAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAA!! Thank you, and goodnight!
Monday, July 15
8:00 ABC PLEASANTVILLE--Movie(1998)
Tobey Maguire and Reese Witherspoon star as siblings who get sucked into a black and white sitcom.
Tuesday, July 16
8:00 FX ELECTION--Movie
Yay! More Reese Witherspoon! This time she slowly destroys the career of washed-up teacher Matthew Broderick. YAY!
8:30 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
The final ten contestants perform... and for God's sake, America! Vote Jim Verraros off the show!!