Thursday, June 19 8:00 WB DUMB AND DUMBER--Movie (1994) The Farrelly Brothers and Jim Carrey encase their feet in cement and gleefully dive into this cinematic ocean of idiocy.

8:00 CBS THE AMAZING RACE As they race across Europe the teams make a startling discovery... nobody on the entire continent likes them!

Friday, June 20 8:00 UPN LIVE AND LET DIE--Movie (1973) Foppish Roger Moore plays James Bond in this voodoo-riffic excursion to Jamaica.

8:30 E! STAR DATES Washed-up celebs go out on dates with normal folk. This week: '70s star Fred Berry (Rerun from What's Happening!).

Saturday, June 21 8:00 NBC CHILD STARS: THEN & NOW This retrospective profiles child actors as they were then (precocious little shits) and as they are now (dodging sharpened spoons in prison).

8:00 TNT THE EDGE--Movie (1997) A hilariously AWFUL "men's" movie featuring Alec Baldwin, Anthony Hopkins, and a vicious, ass-chewing bear.

Sunday, June 22 8:00 TLC URBAN LEGENDS REVEALED Whaddaya mean that story about the Chihuahua that was actually a rat wasn't real?? It happened to my cousin's friend's uncle's cousin!

9:00 ABC ALIAS Syd craps her pants when her smoochy-woochy boyfriend Vaughn falls deathly ill.

Monday, June 23 8:00 HBO CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM Larry's rare "act of random kindness" leads to an all-out fistfight with his wife's interior designer.

Tuesday, June 24 9:30 HBO PROJECT GREENLIGHT Ben Affleck and Matt Damon return to pick an unknown's screenplay and turn it into a really awful movie.

10:00 COM I'M WITH BUSEY In this reality series, the number one fan of actor Gary Busey meets his idol, and discovers he's completely insane.

Wednesday,

June 25 8:00 WB BOARDING HOUSE: NORTH SHORE The day of the big surfing competition is approaching, and while Holly practices catching waves, Veronica drinks margaritas and pukes into the bushes.

9:00 FOX PARADISE HOTEL The poop hits the fan when a new member of the cast is chosen from the studio audience.

Here's how to wrizzle the H-U-M-Pizzle.

steve@portlandmercury.com