Thursday, October 2

8:30 NBC SCRUBS Season Premiere! J.D. has trouble diagnosing a patient's problem, just like I have a problem diagnosing why I hate this show.

10:00 NBC E.R. Carter returns to the Congo to find the body of a fallen friend, and complete his carved mahogany elephant collection.

Friday, October 3

8:00 NBC MISS MATCH A man requests help in discovering the identity of his baby-mama's papa.

10:00 CBS THE HANDLER Hey! Check out this new FBI undercover series starring Joe "Sopranos" Pantoliano! It's dope cash money!

Saturday, October 4

7:00 SCI ARMY OF DARKNESS--Movie (1992) Bruce Campbell stars as a supermarket worker turned time-traveler who takes on Medieval England with a chainsaw and a '73 Olds.

9:30 A&E RESERVOIR DOGS--Movie (1992) Quentin Tarantino's debut feature about a gang of color-coded thugs and a crime that goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Sunday, October 5

9:00 WB TARZAN Debut! A Calvin Klein supermodel escapes captivity and roams New York City unsupervised.

9:00 VH1 SURVIVING NUGENT Seven people meet on the most horrifying field of competition ever devised--rocker Ted Nugent's farm!

Monday, October 6

8:00 COM THE BIG LEBOWSKI--Movie (1998) One of the Coen Brother's funniest movies--sanitized almost beyond recognition for television.

Tuesday, October 7

8:00 WB GILMORE GIRLS Rory flips her collegiate wig when her grandma redecorates her dorm room!

9:30 UPN THE MULLETS Sibling rivalry erupts between Dwayne and Denny when they start a backyard wrestling league.

Wednesday, October 8

8:00 WB SMALLVILLE Super-powered pop Jonathan battles Clark on the roof of LuthorCorp! WOW! I just creamed my geek jeans!

9:00 WB ANGEL Angel almost craps his pants when the ghost of Spike appears in his office (looking for a job, no doubt).