THURSDAY, OCTOBER 7 8:30 WB DREW CAREY'S GREEN SCREEN Debut! Drew and his unfunny improv buddies do their usual shtick in front of a green screen--which probably won't make it much funnier. 9:00 ABC LIFE AS WE KNOW IT Debut! High school boys philosophize about sex, sex, and when they find time, sex. Co-starring Kelly Osbourne.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 8 6:00 ALL NETS PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE Kerry and President Bush meet in a town hall-style debate. 8:00 VH1 30 YEARS OF HIPHOP Learn everything you never knew about hiphop with this marathon of informative documentaries! WORD.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 9 9:30 MTV MAKING THE VIDEO Omigod. Lindsay Lohan is FINALLY starring in her own video! Omigod. OMIGOD! 10:00 FAM SMALLVILLE Catch the original pilot episode of the hottest, hunkiest Superboy ever!

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 10 9:00 ABC DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Gabrielle goes to extremes to hide her horny humping in this new and naughty nighttime soap. 10:00 COM WANDA DOES IT Debut! Comedian Wanda Sykes takes on (and screws up) a bevy of new jobs.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 11 8:00 DSC MONSTER GARAGE Jesse builds a car for Koko, the gorilla who communicates through sign language. Okay, but who's gonna give him insurance?

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 12 8:00 WB GILMORE GIRLS After successfully busting up his marriage, Rory and Dean take a stab at shacking up. 9:00 UPN VERONICA MARS I absolutely LOVE this new series about a high school hottie who goes all Nancy Drew on crime's ass. Check it out!

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 13 8:00 WB SMALLVILLE Clark learns that cheerleaders are poisoning the team's water. SEE?! What have I been telling you about cheerleaders?? 8:00 ABC LOST The castaways are terrorized by wild beasts (who turn out to be the Abominable Snowman and Herbie, the elf who wants to be a dentist).