THURSDAY, MAY 17
8:00 ABC UGLY BETTY
Season finale! It's "bumpin' uglies" when Betty and Henry finally get it on!
10:00 NBC E.R.
Season finale! Kovac postpones his honeymoon to go to Croatia. His priorities are sorely misplaced.
FRIDAY, MAY 18
10:00 NBC LAW & ORDER
Season finale! Did a senator (Harry Hamlin) kill his wife? More importantly, do I give a poop?
SATURDAY, MAY 19
8:00 ABC EXTREME BLOOPERS
A kid hits his dad in the face with a plastic baseball bat—that has nails sticking out of it. To make it "extreme."
11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Season finale! SNL finishes a kinda funny season with the not-so-funny Zach Braff.
SUNDAY, MAY 20
8:00 FOX THE SIMPSONS
Season finale! This hour-long episode is a parody of 24 (which can't help but be more exciting than the real thing).
9:00 ABC DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
Season finale! Gaby and Victor have their wedding. Think something "shocking" will happen?
MONDAY, MAY 21
9:00 NBC HEROES
Season finale! "That hero done blowed up reeeeeeal good!"
9:00 ABC THE BACHELOR
Season finale! Please announce you're gay! Please announce you're gay!
TUESDAY, MAY 22
9:00 CW VERONICA MARS
Season finale! Piz claims he had nothing to do with that porno video on the internet. His videos look far more professional.
9:00 FOX ON THE LOT
Debut! Budding filmmakers are challenged to make better movies than that hack Steven Spielberg.
WEDNESDAY, MAY 23
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
Season finale! If Melinda can get a neck implant, maybe I'll buy one of her CDs.
9:00 ABC LOST
Season finale! Lost is booked for two more seasons—which leads me to believe they're not getting rescued any time soon.